Saying “No”.
I’ll admit it. I have a hard time saying “no”. Whether it be to my kids, fattening foods,church ministries, friends or adding more activities to my schedule. And when I do actually decline something (other than the fattening foods!) I feel sooo guilty! Why say “no”, when it feels so good to say “yes”, right?
What I’ve found, however, is that the guilt is not making up for the stress that is being added into my life every time I say “yes” to something. I’m finding that I’d rather feel guilty than stressed and resentful.
Do you struggle with saying “no” to people, things and activities in your life?
I’m slowly learning that saying “no” is not only a good thing, but sometimes a necessary thing. I’m learning that, in this season of my life, I am even having to say “no” to good things, and even, great things. There is just not enough time or child care! While I have small children (and am growing my family) I’m going to have to wait on certain activities and even church ministries. My focus right now is my children and my home.
Church ministries are like crack to me. I love doing them. I love being part of them. Heck, I like starting them! There’s just something that draws me to that sign up sheet and makes me want to sign my name to yet another activity or Bible study. I get this rush of good feelings and excitement at the thought of being a part of a wonderful Bible study or hosting church cookouts. But after the initial rush wears off and the reality of the commitment sets in I start to get resentful at the time it takes. I start noticing that I’m not at home as much, that my housework is piling up, that I’m snapping at my kids more because I’m busy trying to get caught up on stuff that piled up while I was taking a part in another activity I signed up for. Back before I had children taking a part in all of this stuff was a lot easier. Now that I have children my focus needs to be on raising and mothering them.
For instance, here’s a list of things I’d love to be doing or starting right now:
-Hosting a weekly Bible study at my house.
-Starting a drama group at church.
-Singing monthly at the Christian coffee house close by.
-Starting a mother’s group/ play group.
These are all great things and things I really enjoy. But right now I just have to say “NO” to them! There isn’t enough time. And if I tried to keep up with all of this I’d eventually become stressed and resentful and no fun to live with! Right now my focus needs to be at home. My family needs me. My children need my love and unstressed, undivided attention during this period in their lives.
Ecclesiastes 3:1 says “To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven”.
This is not to say I’ve given up on all activities and ministries. I have a pretty full plate as it is! Here’s a list of what I/ we are doing in the fall:
-Driving Katelyn half and hour to school and back every day.
-Soccer for Katelyn (thankfully only once a week!).
- Dance for both girls (also once a week).
- Mission Friends on Wednesday nights. ( We will no longer be doing Awana at the other church. I’m teaching the youngest group of children about missions in our new Wednesday night ministry for kids at our church).
-Choir (The rehearsal happens to conveniently fall after Wednesday night activities so I’m doing two things on one night of the week)
As you can see that is plenty for our family right now. Mike has a couple of new things up sleeve as well but those need to be worked out. His time is mostly taken up with work!
We have a new motto we’re trying to apply to our lives and our home right now (oh, especially our home!!): SIMPLIFY!!!! Sometimes, (not all the time) God can teach us and use us even more when we learn to say ” no” ! ( Not to Him, of course)
Another thing I’m having to learn to say “no” to is PERFECTIONISM. My schedule, my home, my children and myself are not going to look perfect or be perfect. I don’t think I’m EVER going to get my house to look exactly the way I want it to at this point in my life. I have to stop stressing about it and do the best I can. And then MOVE ON!!
How about you? Do you have a problem with saying “no”? C’mon, practice saying it with me : ” NNNOOOOOO”
Feels good, doesn’t it?
(Say “yes” )
