Letting Go
So I need to vent a bit and put forth a dilemma and see what any of you have to say about it. It’s really been frustrating and I’m really at a loss how to handle it and even if I should handle it at all. For the sake of “anonymity” I’m going to call the people involved in this story a “group” so nobody is set apart in my story.
There is a group of children that Katelyn absolutely seem to worship and loves to play with. This group of children ranges from 6- 10 years of age. Which, obviously, is several years older than Katelyn. For the most part, this group of kids are pretty well behaved and polite. Except that, they are generally mean to Katelyn. They will let her play with them for a little bit and then they will suddenly decide they don’t want her around. They are constantly including and then excluding her from whatever they are doing, bossing her around, not allowing her to do certain things and manipulating her. One of them goes as far as getting up and moving away every time Katelyn tries to sit next to them. When Katelyn doesn’t get the hint the first time and moves to sit next to this child again, they will get up and move somewhere else again. For no reason at all. Other than to be spiteful. Reducing Katelyn to either screaming at them or crying. It drives me absolutely insane. I would rather she not play with them at all for my sanity’s sake but she loves.them. I would rather she just play with other kids her own age just to stop the crying and fighting. Whenever she is pretend playing she pretends that group is with her. Whenever she plans her parties she wants that group invited.
Now, before you think I am overreacting or defending my bratty child or something, I’ll say this. I know Katelyn is no angel. I know(and remember!) that when you’re an older child, playing with a younger one is something you don’t always want to do. You want the little brat to go away and play with kids his/her own age. I get that. I also get that kids are kids and aren’t perfect either. I also understand that if a child doesn’t want to sit next to another one they don’t have to. Especially if the child is obnoxious and annoying. Katelyn is not like that! She just likes to sit next to this child because she loves them! The more she seems to get upset and frustrated by them not wanting to sit by her the more they continue to do it! And what gets me even more is that this child’s parent sees this and does nothing!!
So…here’s my dilemma- What do I do? I can’t “come to her rescue” every time they exclude her. I’m not their mother and they aren’t required to play with her. Time and time again, Mike and I have told her when they start being mean to just go play somewhere else! But in the heat of the moment that is the last thing she wants to do. She wants them to let her do what they are doing. Sometimes the exclusion or the manipulation is over the petties, tiniest things.
Here are some examples:
Katelyn usually comes crying to us and says ” Mooom, they’re playing pirates and I want to be a princess pirate but they said I can’t because they don’t need another princess pirate. They said I have to be a dog instead. Waaahhh”.
This is just an example but it’s the kind of thing that happens all the time. So, off I go to check it out.
Me: What’s going on guys?
Them: We’re playing pirates and Katelyn wants to be a princess pirate but we don’t need anymore princess pirates. We want her to be the dog.
Me: She doesn’t want to be a dog,ok? I think there’s plenty of room for one more princess pirate. Let’s play nicely and let everyone be what they want.
Them: But…..
Me: She. Can. Be.A.Princess.Pirate.If.She.Wants.
Parent of one of the children: Is everything ok in here?
And one of the children tells that parent the whole story and they reiterate that Katelyn is young and doesn’t understand they need to let her be a princess pirate. So, the group of children scowls and pouts and decide they want to play something else.
Half the time I don’t even know what to say because their play is so involved that I don’t even know if Katelyn knows what she’s talking about! All I know is they are excluding her somehow or just trying to be mean. And these are truly good, well raised children! Except for this one issue..
OR
Katelyn(crying): Mooom!! They’re playing magic carpet on the blanket but they won’t let me sit on the magic carpet too.
OR
Katelyn: They’re playing cave in that room but they pushed me out and shut the door and won’t let me back in. Waaaahh!
And off Mike or I go to try to settle the problem. It’s getting tiring. And infuriating.
My question is: What do I do? Do I let Katelyn get crushed every time, let it go and just tell her to play elsewhere? (And sometimes there isn’t anyone else to play with! Madelyn would be the only one and we all know happy Madelyn is by herself. Katelyn on the other hand, hates playing by herself). Do I step in every time and make the kids let her play only to have them pout and decide they want to play something else somewhere else? And you all know how I feel about correcting other people’s children. Katelyn actually asked me last week why they don’t like to play with her. I didn’t know what to answer!
” I’m sorry, honey. They’re just mean and spiteful children. You shouldn’t want to play with them anyway”. That’s what I wanted to say. But I didn’t. I just said ” I don’t know. You are a lot younger than them and sometimes they just want to play with kids they’re own age.Sometimes kids just don’t want to play with other kids”.
So, since my blood pressure has gone up just writing this I wanted to show you guys what our new rearrangement looks like. We are very happy with it and I think it uses our living room/dining room/ sun room space more efficiently.
You can see in the back ground the sun room before which was used as an office/play room. Sorry, this was the only shot I had of it that you could see most if it in.
Here’s the after. Our new dining room!
That shelf is getting neatened up and cleaned off a bit. Our dining room table is not longer in a high traffic area so it doesn’t get a ton of stuff dumped on it. It had gotten so bad that I got discouraged from trying to actually eat at our table. So we ate on the couch a lot!
Our old dining room has been turned into a playroom. If you’ve been reading my blog for anything length of time you know what it looked like.
The before(Christmas 08 in case you were wondering)
The after
This room is getting organized a bit more, but, yes, this is probably going to be what it looks like most of the time! And you know what? I don’t care! It’s their playroom. As long as all of that isn’t in the living room anymore I couldn’t care less what that room looks like! The girls are also thrilled with having their own t.v. No more fights over the t.v! (Between Mike and the girls. Not me, of course.)
And lastly, the new train table Madelyn got from daddy as a birthday gift. This was taken the morning after Mike set it all up. He wanted to surprise them with it when they woke up. It no longer looks like this anymore.
Thoughts? Comments? Suggestions? All are welcome. On any of the above.
