His Ways Are Not Our Ways
First it was Angie Smith’s Audrey Caroline, then it was MckMama’s little Stellan, then Angie’s Smith’s baby nephew Luke, then it was Kayleigh Freeman. This past week it was Layla Grace. These are all blogs I’ve followed of parents who have lost (or almost lost in MckMama’s case) a child. They all break. my. heart. I’ve cried, sobbed and prayed over all of them as their story was unfolding. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain these parents and families have suffered because of their loss. All of these bloggers have shown a tremendous amount of faith in the Lord and unbelievable strength. What an amazing testimony they are!
My own parents lost a baby at 18 days old – my twin sister Melanie. I’ve always asked my mom how she handled that and she’s always said they were able only with God’s help. The magnitude of the loss my very own parents suffered didn’t really hit me until I had my own children!
After the unbelievable amount of crying I did while following the slow passing of two year old Layla Grace I thought to myself ” That’s it! I’m not reading any more of these sad blogs!! I’m not following any more sick and dying children .”
It’s too sad! There are so many of these children out there. There are so many of them who need prayer.
How many of these blogs do I read? How many of these children do I pray for?
Do you feel the same way? I know that I end up feeling a tremendous amount of guilt. Guilt that I live in my own little world with my healthy children mostly unaffected by these families with dying children. Guilt because I think to myself ” Thank God it’s someone else and not me.”
Let’s be honest. When we hear about someone’s tragic story we all think to ourselves ” Thankfully it’s them and not me.”
Until it is us.
On February 16th Layla’s mother wrote about how the house was so quiet now because all Layla did was sleep. How she remembers back when she wished for some peace and quiet and for a few minutes to “get stuff done”. How everything took longer because Layla was underfoot. She wrote how if she had to do it all over again she would enjoy every waking moment to the fullest and how she wanted Layla to be underfoot now.
I can’t tell you how that broke me. I had just that very day been getting on to and yelling at my girls for their messes , fighting and interruptions. Wanting ” just 5 minutes!!” to complete a task. Oh how terrible I felt. I started crying and promised myself that I would make more of the waking moments and stop wishing for bed time.
I don’t know why but I’ve always been the type of person that always just knows something terrible is going to happen. And I walk around trying to be mentally prepared for it. Before I got married, I just knew Mike was going die before our wedding. I saw several sad stories on t.v of tragic things happening to couples either right before their wedding or right after. Every time Mike was late coming home and I couldn’t reach him I just knew he was dead on the side of the road.
I finally started getting over that feeling…………until I had kids.
Now I just know something bad is going to happen to them! Seriously, it may sound funny but it’s really sad! I still fight the “doom complex” every now and then. Reading stories like Layla Grace’s doesn’t help either! My heart just goes out to her family and families like hers.
But…. how may of these kids do we pray for? What are we to do when we read stories like these? I see prayer request links for sick children all over Twitter and Facebook all the time. Do I click on every link? Do I get drawn in by their stories and spend my days in tears because I feel so bad for them? Do I keep questioning why these kinds of things happen and why God would allow it? What purpose these sick children serve?
I really can’t.
What I’ve come to decide is I may not read every story but I will say a quick prayer for that child and family as soon as I see the request. That the Lord will keep them in His care and in His hands. That His will be done. That is the best thing we can do for these families. Know that the Lord knows everything and that He has them in the palm of His hand. Our human and mortal minds can’t comprehend God’s reasons at times. They don’t seem right and they don’t seem just. And God knows that!
In Isaiah55:8-9 it says:
” “For my thoughts are not your thoughts and neither are your ways my ways” declares the Lord ” As the heavens are higher than the earth so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.”
Although I may never understand why He allows certain bad things to happen I do trust that He knows what he’s doing.
In Matthew 25 it says :
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
And then it goes on to say:
33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
I know these verses don’t talk about having a sick and dying child. But I do believe it applies to me in the sense that worrying about stuff I have no control over ( like my husband or children dying unexpectedly) is n0t going to do me any good. Walking around wondering why these beautiful children are sick and/or dying and railing at God is not going to do me any good. I have to trust that since He takes care of the smallest things on earth He’s going to take care of me and those I love. I am so thankful my family knows the Lord and know exactly where they’re going when the Lord calls them home. That is such an relief!
We may not like His plan but His plan is perfect. Even if when we don’t understand it. I know that’s hard to grasp! And even more hard to live!
I apologize for how “ramble-y” this post is! I just wanted to get some of these thoughts that have been wondering around in my head on bloggy paper.
What are your thoughts? How do those sad blogs and stories affect you?
