Archive for the ‘Trying to conceive/fertility’ Category
Simply Real Moms:Meet Ashley
Sunday, July 24th, 2011
Our Simply Real Mom today is special and unique. You see…. she’s not a mom yet. She’s a future adoptive mom.
She’s an inspiring, sweet blogger who I’ve met through Twitter and who kindly volunteered to write a post for this series. I’m thrilled to have her guest post. She’s going to share some “real” thoughts from her side of motherhood. I encourage you to stop by her blog and check her out!
Meet….Ashley!!
Ashley is a 20-something year old seminary wife who lives in Louisville, KY with her husband, Michael, and their three cats. God willing, they are hoping to expand their family, through way of adoption, this year. She is passionate about encouraging women to live for the Lord in all aspects of their lives and blogs about it at Putting God First Place. Ashley recently published her first book, How My Soul Yearns, where she shares about her journey through infertility.
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While most expectant moms are preparing a nursery and watching their mid-section expand with life, I’m experiencing things differently.
You see, I’m not a “normal” soon-to-be mom. I’m a soon-to-be adoptive mom.
Instead of preparing a nursery, I am gathering all I can for up to four children 8 years old and younger (Note: Yes, that is a huge age range and a larger quantity than most decide to adopt at one time. My husband and I feel led to adopt a sibling group from the foster care system.).
Instead of my mid-section expanding, my heart is expanding with hope, love, and anticipation!
Most expectant moms have a due date, and generally they deliver their child(ren) close to that date. Adoption is different. Especially adopting from foster care. Once we are licensed, we could receive a phone call any day and the placement could happen within hours of the phone call. Or, we could end up waiting for 2 months, 5 months, or even longer!
Traditional expectant parents get to learn about parenting and discipline as their children get older. My husband and I have to be ready from day one!
As you can see, I am experiencing this “expectant” season of motherhood differently. Because adopting is different than giving birth, some people do not know how to encourage expectant adoptive parents.
I have one tip that I would love to share!
Ask about progress.
Just as you would ask a pregnant woman how she is feeling and how her pregnancy is going, ask the soon-to-be adoptive parents about their progress. If you ask about the progress, you are acknowledging that they are expectant parents! By not saying anything, you make them feel like their road to parenthood isn’t real yet (and it is very real!).
I’ve been hurt deeply by people close to me because I feel like they are refusing to acknowledge that I am a soon-to-be mom, they don’t ask me about our adoption, and they don’t bring it up.
On the reverse side, I have some close friends that have been an amazing source of encouragement and support. They are asking about our progress often. They are praying for our family. They are standing alongside me!
I know that I am experiencing this expectant season of motherhood differently, but I am living it and embracing it!
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If you’re interested in guest posting for my Simply Real Mom summer series contact me. I have a couple of spots open!
23 Months
Monday, June 21st, 2010
I serve an awesome God. I serve a great God. I serve a God who can turn things around in a blink of an eye if He so wills it. So before you think that this is going to be a “depressing” post about how long I’ve been trying to conceive I assure that it’s not. It’s a post about how God is working in me. (And maybe a few of my own ramblings thrown in)
(Oh, and I’m writing this at 7:15 in the morning on my deck on this beautiful, sunny, warm morning. The birds are chirping. It’s just right!)
Where was I? Oh yes! 23 months. We’ve been trying to get pregnant now for 23 months. Why is that number important? Because it took me 22 months to get pregnant with Katelyn. So, it’s now officially taking us longer than it did to conceive Katelyn. And that kind of scares me. As silly as it sounds, the 22 months that it took us to get pregnant with Katelyn was kind of a “marker” for me, so to speak. I had told the Lord that it couldn’t possibly take us longer than 22 months. I had been pretty confident that it wouldn’t take that long. Now that it’s passed that it’s like it’s opened up a whole new time frame for me. So, will it actually hit TWO years of trying now? Will it go past that? That’s whole new territory for me.
And the other thing is, did my my miscarriage make our trying to conceive start back to zero? These are things I think about!!! And speaking of my miscarriage….
Since it all happened so quickly I’ll admit to wondering…….. if I was ever really pregnant. Yes, those doubts have been crossing my mind which is making it hard to have closure. It’s making it hard to actually say “miscarriage” anymore with total confidence and peace. It’s making it hard for me to put myself in the category of Women Who’ve Had {real} Miscarriages. I keep thinking “What if those two tests were wrong?”, “What if I was just 6 days late?”. Granted I’ve never been that late but, things happen, right? It’s all so surreal now.
My doctor certainly shrugged it off as an “early miscarriage”. I didn’t get any of the advice that other women have gotten after a miscarriage. And maybe it’s because I went to my Primary Care physician instead of an OB. I wasn’t in the care of an OB yet so I didn’t have that option.
So, there you go…. my dilemma. I now feel like I can’t say with total peace and certainty that what I had was a real miscarriage. I now feel uncomfortable talking about it or even getting “consoled” by loving and caring people because I keep thinking ” What if….”. What if I got all those lovely cards, prayers, hugs, words of encouragement and sympathetic hugs…. for a fluke?? What if I’m a fake? However, I’m still dealing emotionally with loss! With a loss that, in my mind, may have been a false positive!
So, I may never know for sure until I get to Heaven if it was “real” or not. I may have to choose to believe it was real and go with the “evidence” that was given to me. The joy we felt for those 6 days is worth it. And maybe the Enemy is trying to make me have doubts. One thing I do know- God’s love is real. My relationship with Him is real. His work in me is real. The family and blessings He’s given me is real.
I’ve been praying so much for God to work in me here lately. To change me. I need changing so badly! To be a better mom and wife. Just to be a better person in general. It’s so easy to write stuff on a blog and make yourself sound wonderful.
Two principles that really struck a chord with me from our recent study of Beth Moore’s “Esther: It’s Tough Being A Woman” are these:
*God can turn the tables of our life anytime.
Beth gave the participants an exercise that I really enjoyed. She took 9 scenarios that make being a woman “tough” and created a worksheet with them. Them under them she had us write a verse in the Bible that directly corrolates to that but shows how God can completely change that issue. We were then to write on our own time the “tough” scenario on one side of a notecard and the verse that shows that God change that scenario on the other side. So whenever we’re going through one of those trials or insecurities all we have to do is look on the other side of the note card to see how God can change that issue for us. He completely turned the tables { for the better!} for Esther and the Jews when things looked their bleakest for them. He turned the tables on evil Haman too. Haman went from smug and sure things were going his way and then he ended up hanging from the gallows he intended for Mordecai! { I encourage you to read the whole story of Esther in the Bible if you never have. Just read the book of Esther!) Things were going one horrible, certain direction for the Jews yet God completely changed their course. He can do that for us too. He can turn our mourning into feasting.
* If_____________ then GOD.
Have you ever thought or said ” I don’t know what I’d do if __________ happened” ? Well, Beth presented to us that no matter what happens to us there will always be God. And He will lift us from the pit. So the point of the phrase is “If (blank because it doesn’t matter WHAT you put here) then GOD” God is the end all be all. He will sustain us. NO MATTER WHAT.
And on a much smaller scale, God still wants to work on little ol’ me. My issues don’t have to be my issues anymore. Things I think I can’t let go of I CAN let go of. Things don’t have to stay the same. I don’t have to stay the same. God can change me. I just have to be willing to let go.
I’ve written some things/issues/ requests on paper that I’m handing over to God or that I want to be rid of completely. I’m going to pray over each one and then I’m going to rip each paper and throw it away. It may sound silly but it’s symbolic for me. That I’m getting rid of extra “baggage”. That I can change and I don’t have to be the way I am about certain things.
FREEDOM!
And now…. my time is up for blogging. My girls are out here on the deck with me and we need to officially start our day. Mike has the day off today so we can get some stuff done.
If you took the time to read this whole post…..thank you!! Have a blessed day.
I’m So Excited And I Just Can’t Hide It
Thursday, April 22nd, 2010
Wow. Yesterday was a terrible day. I called it a sucky day. I’ll have to blog about it at some point soon. God gave me a much better day today.
This was probably the most exciting thing that happened to us today:
Oh wait… that’s not a very good picture. Let me try this one:
Yep! It’s true!! God has answered our prayers in a big way! I’m….
If you’ve never ready my blog before and don’t know my story at all I’ll just bring you up to speed:
WE’VE BEEN TRYING FOR ALMOST 21 MONTHS TO GET PREGNANT WITH #3 AND FOUND OUT THIS EVENING I’M PREGNANT!!!
Think we’re excited much?
I know, I know, I’m announcing way early. It was that way with my two other girls. This is the type of thing we can’t keep in! I wanted to share with you, my wonderful readers, since you’ve been following my story and offering such wonderful encouragement and support. If something terrible were to happen within the next few weeks and, God forbid, I were to lose the baby I’d still want you guys to know about how God blessed us and would seek your support during our loss. To each his own. That was my little disclaimer!
I’ll share the whole story of how I found etc later. I just wanted to share my good news.
Due date is December 28th.Since I’ll most likely have a c-section and if it happens the same way it did with Madelyn I’ll have the baby on the 23rd. So, I pretty much know when this baby will arrive! I’m just so so thankful God is giving me my 2010 baby!
I’m still in shock and so grateful. Mike and I both cried.
I’d appreciate your prayers!
Top Ten Tuesday Is….
Tuesday, April 13th, 2010
Not here today! It’s over at my (in)fertility and TTC support blog Reflections Of Waiting Wombs.
Sadly I didn’t have enough time this morning to write two Top Ten Posts. I’m trying to get on a better daily schedule which means that right now I need to be getting on my elliptical. I may try to write the Top Ten I had planned for this blog later today.
We’ll see.
Check it out and then go check out Oh Amanda for more Top Ten Tuesday!
March Photo Flashback And Randomness
Monday, March 29th, 2010
It’s the end of March but here are some of my favorite pictures from March of last year.
This picture was taken at my parent’s house in Texas when we were staying there for several weeks last March. I love how relaxed Madelyn is hanging out with uncle Bryan (or “Bob” as she called him back then). I also love how she had her hand resting on his arm. She was only 19 months old!
This picture was taken at the park we frequented while there. Katelyn loved it and this picture just showcases that.
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I made lasagna for the first time last week. I have never made it before and am now wondering why I waited this long to do it!
Looks pretty good, doesn’t it? It turned out yummy! I froze half of so we can eat it tonight for dinner and I still have enough ingredients left to make another pan of it to freeze.
We’re onto our next two weeks of food shopping on a smaller budget and I’m really trying to make our dollars stretch to the max. We have purposed that we absolutely cannot take cash from a different envelope for groceries. We have to make sure those envelopes build up and are used for what purpose in which they were intended. If we divide out our food budget right now by day and designate $20 for eating out on Sundays it comes out to $14 A DAY. That sounds like nothing to me! But I know we can find a way to do it.
When you have an X amount of dollars there are a lot of things you usually buy at teh grocery store that you find you don’t really need anymore.
We stayed up very late last night trying to close out this months budget and make sure everything was balanced.
Uuumm, not so much. Like Dave said the first few months will be spent tweaking our budget until it does work.
Here is another one of my creations. I call it the “Melzone”. I know everybody makes a variation of these. I was trying to use up different ingredients I had in my freezer already and was able to use up some frozen bread dough and last little bit of frozen chicken nuggets. I rubbed some olive oil on the dough, cut up the frozen chicken nuggets and spread the pieces evenly. Sprinkled cheddar and mozzarella on laid the rest of the bread dough over the top and pinched the sides. Then I baked it at 350 until it looked done. The frozen chicken inside cooked at the same time. It was really good!
Oh, I didn’t put any tomato sauce inside because none of us are super crazy about it unless it’s on spaghetti or pizza.
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If you didn’t read my post from Saturday don’t forget to check out my new blog!
Hannah’s Prayer TTC And Fertility Blog is a Christian support blog for women struggling with infertility issues. Tell your friends and family about it! It could use all the followers and support it can get right now so it can grow to help others.
Happy Monday!
My New Blog Project Unveiled!
Saturday, March 27th, 2010
I’m so happy to tell you what I’ve been working on the past several weeks.
A new blog!
Because of my struggles to conceive, the Lord has really laid on my heart a passion and love for women struggling with fertility issues. So I created Hannah’s Prayer TTC And Fertility Blog. This blog is a biblically based Christian support forum for women who struggle with fertility issues to come together to discuss, pray, share stories, share Scripture, support and connect. However, this blog forum is not only for Christian women. All women who share the common bond of infertility are welcome!
But, I’ll direct you to my new blog and let you click around and read all about it there.
Please, please, please tell your friends who struggle with fertility issues to check out this blog.
*DISCLAIMER TO MY FAMILY*
There will be TMI about myself on this new blog. Be aware. I will try to post a “TMI ALERT!!” whenever I plan on writing something intimate about myself that I’m guessing you’d rather not read about me.
Just sayin’!!!
And I’m also hoping my brother Bryan is working on a nifty blog badge for Hannah’s Prayer that you can all add to your blogs. *Hints all around*
The question now is, how in the world am I going to keep up with two blogs??? *snort*
Let me know what you think!
Share Your *TTC/Fertility/Secondary Infertility Story Blog Carnival
Tuesday, November 10th, 2009
*Trying To Conceive
Whew! That title is a mouthful! This is my first ever MckLinky blog carnival and I’m excited about it. Are you having trouble conceiving for the first time? Or the fourth? Have you been told you cannot conceive? Are you having fertility issues? Are you going through the adoption process? Or, are you like me, suffering from Secondary Infertility? If any of this applies to you I would love to read your story and have you link up. There are so many wonderful women out there who are going through one or more of these issues. By sharing our stories we can meet other women who are going through some of the same issues we are. We can receive encouragement, support and possibly make a new friend! All stories are welcome-positive ones, sad ones, funny ones and the list goes on.
And if you don’t have a blog? Feel free to leave your story in the comment section! We’d still love to read it.
I shared my story a couple of posts ago but I’ll quickly summarize- I have two beautiful daughters. It took us 21 months to conceive our first. A year to conceive our second and now we’ve been trying for our third for 15 months. I received so much positive feedback through e-mails, comments and messages on Facebook that I thought “Why haven’t I done this sooner?”. I wanted to give others the chance to share and receive positive feedback too.
I am going to ask that you do one thing. Ok, maybe two. Please say a prayer and leave some words of support for the woman above your link and below your link. I think this would be a wonderful way for us to show some encouragement and solidarity. (Have I said encourage too many times?) I will be saying a prayer for each and every person who links up or leaves a comment. If you’re the first one to link up you get to say a prayer for me!:o) Also, please try to leave a comment on some of the other posts too. I will be commenting on all of them. Depending on how many women link up this may not be hard to do!
Since this is my first time doing something like this ( have I mentioned that already?) I ask that you bear with me if there any kinks that need to be ironed out.
Most of you have already done something like this but for those who have never done this before here are a few helpful hints/tips:
*Please add a link to my blog somewhere in your post.
*Once you’ve entered the MckLinky site:
1)In the “Title” box you can either a)Type your name b)The name of your blog or c) The title of your post
2) Type the URL to your post about this carnival in the second box. Please don’t link to your blog but to the post itself. For example: I wouldn’t write in the URL section www.simplymelsblog.com. Instead I would post the URL of the actual post I’m linking up which would look something like this:
http://www.simplymelsblog.com/this-is-me-being-authentic/
Hope this helped!
Did I mention that I’m excited?
Because I am.
Now link up and enjoy reading some powerful stories!
Powered by MckLinky
Click here to enter your link and view the entire list of entered links…
This Is Me Being Authentic
Tuesday, November 3rd, 2009
I have thought long and hard about this post. When you write a blog you have to decide what to share and what to keep to yourself. There are some things that are definitely not appropriate to share in a public forum. As my blog is linked to Facebook whatever I write here turns into a note on Facebook which my 232 Facebook friends can read. I’m going to delete this post as a note on Facebook so anyone who wants to read it has to purposefully come here to read it. After I wrote this post about my Life Words and being authentic I thought I would put myself out there and be very open about something I’m struggling with. Something that is very close to my heart. Writing this is humbling for me and also exposing a sensitive part of me to my readers. (Mostly family, but still!! My mom is probably worriedly reading this right now and wondering what the heck I’m talking about) I’m doing this because I feel in not sharing this I’m not being open and authentic.
For the past 15 months, to be exact, we have been praying, trying and hoping to have another baby. Many people have joked that “isn’t it time?” and people have asked if we want more and I’m even sure that there are people who have been curious but too polite to ask when we were planning on having another one. After all, we do want four kids. Well, now you know. I was hoping to have another baby yesterday. When we decided to stop using birth control last July we I just assumed we’d have a baby by now. But, apparently God has other plans. I know this issue is a huge one among women today. My heart goes out to the millions of women who struggle with conceiving and fertility. It breaks for women who have been told they will never conceive or for those who have been trying for years to conceive their first. Please know I am not trying to categorize myself with those women. I would not assume to completely know their pain. After all, God has utterly blessed me with two beautiful and healthy girls. If I never have another child I will still be blessed beyond what I deserve. This fact still doesn’t take away from my desire to have more children and my disappointment each month when that doesn’t happen.
We tried to conceive for almost 2 years before I got pregnant with Katelyn. When we first set off in that endeavor we were so excited and figured it would happen within 6 months. So we told everybody. That was probably some of the hardest and longest 21 months of my life. During that time friends got pregnant had babies and got pregnant again. Of course, as any woman who’s trying to get pregnant knows, it feels as if everyone around you is getting pregnant. Except for you. So many people were praying and routing for us. We really appreciated all the love and support. I even had friends who got pregnant and felt terrible to tell me! Although I appreciated the love I certainly didn’t want anyone to feel bad about their good news. One thing I had a hard time with were all the questions/advice/suggestions each month (although well meaning) like ” So…are you pregnant yet?” , “Hurry up! I want you to be pregnant with me!” and various medical advice and suggestions. I went to the doctor and had various tests. Nothing was wrong with me.
The other thing that would make me cringe was when someone would announce they were pregnant and everyone would discreetly and not so discreetly look at me to see my reaction. Others would ask, later, if I was ok. Talk about feeling like my nerves and deepest emotions were being exposed! And of course I was always happy for the person although deeply desiring that same good news for myself. Then, (oh joy!) God blessed us with Katelyn. I will never forget the day I got the positive result on that pregnancy test. It was euphoric. The joy and excitement expressed to us by family and friends was overwhelming. I will never forget that time. Then I got pregnant with Madelyn when Katelyn was 13 months old. It was almost a surprise!! How easy that felt. I hadn’t been on birth control since I got pregnant with Katelyn. I thought that maybe taking so long to conceive with Katelyn had been just a fluke. Although we weren’t trying to conceive, it still took us a year to get pregnant with Madelyn. But it still felt like perfect timing. They would be just under two years apart. Great! After I had Madelyn I was a little overwhelmed with having two small children so I decided to go back on birth control pills because at the time I couldn’t fathom getting pregnant right away if that were to happen. Apparently I had nothing to fear! I found out recently that there is actually a name for this. Secondary Infertility. (There are links at the bottom of this post to more information on this subject)
So here we are. I remember in March getting very sad that once that month had passed my chance of having a baby this year was gone. As Mother’s Day neared I thought ” What a great Mother’s Day gift that would be” and found out a few days before that I was not pregnant. Then Father’s Day rolled around and I thought the same thing. Then my birthday (What an awesome birthday gift!) and our trip to Texas (what a great surprise for my family!) and …..nothing. Now Mike’s birthday has arrived.I just knew this was going to be it. I even had the way I was going to tell him all planned out for his birthday. And….still nothing. Although I would love to blame my not getting pregnant on some supposed residual affect of those birth control pills,I can’t. I would love to blame it on my weight because being overweight can affect fertility. I could blame a lot of things but the only person I can “blame” is God. He could make this happen. But He’s choosing not to. I’ve run the gamut of emotions. I’ve been angry, sad and frustrated. I’ve stomped my feet and yelled at God. I’ve cried in disappointment to Him. I’ve questions Him month after month. Please don’t let it take as long as it did with Katelyn! And what if takes as long or longer? What then? What will it mean?
Why does God give the Duggars 19 children and other women none? Why do 14 year old girls get pregnant and have abortions when there are couples waiting with empty arms? These questions are tough and we will never understand them. But God does. And He can take whatever we say to Him.One of the answers is that we live in a sinful world and because of that bad things happen. Bad things happen to good people. Life is unfair from our perspective. I know God is in control. He has a reason and He has a purpose. And he doesn’t owe me an explanation although I’d really like one!
I read this today from the “Purpose Drive Life”
” God wants you to develop the kind of character described in the beatitudes of Jesus, the fruit of the Spirit, Paul’s great chapter on love, and Peter’s list of characteristics of an effective and productive life. Every time you forget that character is one of God’s purposes for your life, you will become frustrated by your circumstances. You’ll wonder “Why is this happening to me? Why am I having such a difficult time?”
So, maybe God’s trying to develop my character. Maye He knows that I wouldn’t deal well with three children right now. Who knows? All I can do is wait. So I move on. I keep praying that His will be done and that I’ll be happy with however many children He wants to give me. I’m doing my best to not focus on this right now. I have so many good things going and many exciting opportunities to partake in coming up.
And I wait. And I’m ok. Really. I don’t need to talk about it a whole lot. I’ll feel free to write about it as I feel led on this blog. I’ll be sure to share the news with the WORLD when it happens. If it does. And I’ll be ok.
So… I’ve exposed my heart. It’s out there. Was this authentic enough?
And if you’re interested here are a couple links to articles about Secondary Infertility-
http://www.cookiemag.com/brain/momhealth/2006/11/secondshot
The Guilt Of Secondary Infertility (great article if you struggle with guilt over desiring another child)
http://www.preconception.com/articles/diagnosed-infertility-issues/secondary-infertility-1303/
