Archive for the ‘tough topics’ Category
Knowing When You’re Done Having Kids
Monday, November 14th, 2011
How do you know when you’re done having kids?
I’ve been really struggling with this decision here lately. The more I pray about it, the more I have peace. With me being pregnant with our fourth, I know mentally and logically that I couldn’t handle more than four kids with the pace of our life.I’m not even sure how we’re going to do the homeschooling thing next year! My husband works long hours so I’m alone with the kids all day. I pretty much have to take them everywhere with me since Mike is literally not home during the week to watch them for anything. Most nights they go to bed before he gets home. I don’t have any of my family here to offer help and support and my inlaws are getting older so they are at the point where they won’t be able to watch all 4 at once. Especially two babies! So, I should be done.
Emotionally I keep thinking ” What if I want just one more down the road?”. The more I pray about it the more I have peace. And especially on the days when it gets crazy around here. But…..
We’ve decided that while I’m on the table for my c-section we’ll go ahead and get my tubes tied. That seems so final!! At first I was ok with that decision. Then I started getting more and more sad at the thought. I actually cried for a couple of days about it.
Then I figured out it’s not really the fact that I won’t be able to have more kids that bothers me. It’s the fact that this is the end of my child bearing years. The end of a great era. This is the last time I’ll be pregnant and giving birth. The last time I’ll excitedly take a pregnancy test and cry with joy over (finally) seeing the words “pregnant” on them. The last time of great anticipation over the upcoming birth and meeting this new little life.
When I first got married having our first child and subsequent one seemed so far away. It was an exciting, new world to come. Then I had Katelyn. My first child! Joy! But I knew I would be having at least two or three more. Now that I knew what my first child would look like….what would the next one look like? And the next? What would their names be? Would they be a boy or a girl? I was still in my twenties and having more children was a wide open adventure to come.
Now I’m in my thirties and I’ve had three of the four children I’ve always wanted. God has completely and abundantly blessed me with these miracles of life. And with the fourth….he blew us out of the water!! We were so surprised and really not expecting the fourth one so close to the third one.I just never expected the end of my child bearing years to come so soon.
And I feel like I must enjoy every last second of this pregnancy. Since it’s my last. I feel like Jocelyn was just born in March and now she’s almost 8 months old. I know this fourth baby’s first year will fly too.
And that makes me so sad. I’ve always, for the most part, had a baby or toddler around. Or the plans and attempt at having another baby. But now I’ll be slowly getting rid of baby stuff and will one day, no longer have a baby, toddler OR baby stuff in the house any more. And no plans on having any more. Now I get to watch other women announce their first, second and third ( and so on!) pregnancies and remember what it was like for me.
And that makes me really sad some days.
But.
The more I’ve prayed about it the more the Lord is assuring me that this is the right decision. I’m at the end of one era of my life but he’s going to bring me many more fun ones with my kids as they get older. I so enjoyed my girls as babies but I know that’s not the only fun stage.
And the idea of clearing out my attic of baby stuff and all the bins of baby clothes I have up there gives me a little flutter of joy. And thinking of my girls ( and future boy or girl) all playing together also seems fun. One day we’ll be able to go to Disney World and they’ll all be at the age where they can enjoy it. Or, at least, most of them anyway.
So, my quiver is finally full. I’m richly blessed. A little melancholy.
But I know it’s the right decision for us. Our family is complete.
If you’re done having kids, did you struggle with the decision? Or did you absolutely know with certainty?
Unsubscribe:Facebook and Controversy
Thursday, October 27th, 2011
Unsubscribe. That little choice hidden to the right of your Facebook friends’ statuses. One where you have to hover to the right until you see an “x” and then get a few choices of what to do with this Facebook friend.
I have 419 “friends” on Facebook. Are they all really my close friends? Of course not! Can I keep up with all of them? No. There are the family and friends who I comment on and keep in touch with every day. Then there are those who I occasionally comment on. Then there are those who’ve I’ve only ever clicked “accept friend request” and then never heard from them again or them from me.
In the past few weeks I’ve tried to decide what I want to get out of Facebook. Why am I on Facebook? It certainly lends itself to a fake sense of acceptance and popularity. It’s easy to get on Facebook and feel like you have a lot of friends and people who care about you and to get lost in the Facebook world. But then you come back to reality and realize the only time you talk to 3/4 of your “friends” is on Facebook! You never actually see any of these people or develop a real personal relationship with them. Don’t get me wrong; I know that distance is what keeps many people from interpersonal relationships and that’s what makes Facebook such a great tool. I’ve actually been able to get to know some of my friends even better through Facebook. Women I probably would have never made a connection with otherwise. That’s pretty neat! And a great way to use Facebook.
I’m not bashing Facebook. I love it! I LOVE keeping in touch with my family and seeing pictures and finding out what’s going on in their every day lives. I love connecting with old friends from Brazil. I love being able to post pictures and statuses of my kids for everyone to see. I love following blogs I enjoy with great information for me. I’ve whittled away many a half hour throughout the day on Facebook. It can be a fun place. Or it can be a negative, frustrating and shallow place.
I’ve decided I want Facebook to be one of my “happy places”.
Getting back to the unsubscribe button. With 419 “friends” on Facebook, you know that there are tons of different types of people, beliefs and opinions floating around in my news feed. Do I honestly expect to agree with every single one of those 419 people on Facebook? Of course not!
Enter the unsubscribe button.
It brings peace and sanity to my Facebook world. Once you hit “unsubscribe” that person’s statuses no longer show up in your newsfeed. You are still Facebook friends with them, you just don’t see what they put in their status unless you specifically go to their Facebook page. I like this choice better than “un-friending”. Un-friending is very final and it takes a lot for me to un-friend someone!
In the past few years I’ve noticed that my level of irritation has gone up when reading Facebook statuses. It’s not only a place for sharing pictures and what’s for dinner. Now it’s a place to push agendas, politics, and opinions on religion, morality, lifestyles and even parenting! There for a while I wanted to get in there and throw my opinion around. But I’ve tired of that and no longer have the desire to enter the ring. There are days where I get completely outraged at statuses and comments left by my Facebook friends. I love my Facebook friends. I don’t want to feel this way when reading anyone’s statuses or comments!
I want it to be one of my happy places. Not the place I go to to roll my eyes, get angry, insulted, or have my conservative political, religious beliefs, lifestyle or parenting mocked or condescended.
So, I click “unsubscribe”.
If there’s a person who only posts political stuff I don’t agree with?
Click. Unsubscribe.
If all you do is share links that mock my faith?
Click. Unsubscribe.
Statuses that are full of boyfriend/girlfriend drama that is best kept in between yourself and your boyfriend?
Click. Unsubscribe.
Statuses that are full of foul language all the time?
Click. Unsubscribe.
I don’t want these kinds of things cluttering my news feed or my mind. I don’t need it! I don’t have time to go back and forth on Facebook debating politics, religion or why you’re parenting is better than mine.
I’ve decided to stop commenting on any of the things mentioned above if I see them and I also decided I won’t be sharing links to articles or blog posts that might be “inflammatory”. You might see me “like” different people, thoughts and beliefs here and there but I’m not looking to argue about why I “liked” it. To me, that’s not what Facebook is for. Yes, I have strong opinions about a lot of things. No, I will not be touting them on Facebook anymore. Some people enjoy fiery debates, controversy and pushing their opinions all over Facebook. It’s fun for them. And that’s great. I’m just not one of those people.
Everyone has the absolute right to post WHATEVER they want on Facebook. No question there. But I have the absolute right not to have to read it. Just as everyone has the right to not read what I write! The unsubscribe button is right there next to my posts.
I’m the person who does want to know what you’re reading or watching. How your kid is the most perfect, cutest thing ever. (Other than my kids of course. Haha) How your dog is sick and that your baby puked on you this morning. And, yes, even what you’re having for dinner. I want to hear your prayer requests and pray for you. I want to read how you had a fantastic day or how it kinda bummed you out.
I’d much rather read all of that than how you think anyone who supports the presidential candidate I’ve chosen must be selfish and ignorant. Or that you think my religious beliefs are narrow minded and that I’m a terrible mom for not breastfeeding for a year.
This verse sums up my thoughts on Facebook for myself:
Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.
Philippians 4:8-9 (The Message version of the Bible)
Unsubscribe. It’s a beautiful button that brings peace and harmony on Facebook.
How about you? Are you heavy handed with the unsubscribe button? All for fiery debates and opinions? Are you an “un-friender”? Don’t care either way?
I welcome your thoughts and comments on this subject. Please be kind and respectful.
And, as always, anyone is free to unsubscribe from me!
This post is also linked to Things I Love Thursday at The Diaper Diaries.
23 Months
Monday, June 21st, 2010
I serve an awesome God. I serve a great God. I serve a God who can turn things around in a blink of an eye if He so wills it. So before you think that this is going to be a “depressing” post about how long I’ve been trying to conceive I assure that it’s not. It’s a post about how God is working in me. (And maybe a few of my own ramblings thrown in)
(Oh, and I’m writing this at 7:15 in the morning on my deck on this beautiful, sunny, warm morning. The birds are chirping. It’s just right!)
Where was I? Oh yes! 23 months. We’ve been trying to get pregnant now for 23 months. Why is that number important? Because it took me 22 months to get pregnant with Katelyn. So, it’s now officially taking us longer than it did to conceive Katelyn. And that kind of scares me. As silly as it sounds, the 22 months that it took us to get pregnant with Katelyn was kind of a “marker” for me, so to speak. I had told the Lord that it couldn’t possibly take us longer than 22 months. I had been pretty confident that it wouldn’t take that long. Now that it’s passed that it’s like it’s opened up a whole new time frame for me. So, will it actually hit TWO years of trying now? Will it go past that? That’s whole new territory for me.
And the other thing is, did my my miscarriage make our trying to conceive start back to zero? These are things I think about!!! And speaking of my miscarriage….
Since it all happened so quickly I’ll admit to wondering…….. if I was ever really pregnant. Yes, those doubts have been crossing my mind which is making it hard to have closure. It’s making it hard to actually say “miscarriage” anymore with total confidence and peace. It’s making it hard for me to put myself in the category of Women Who’ve Had {real} Miscarriages. I keep thinking “What if those two tests were wrong?”, “What if I was just 6 days late?”. Granted I’ve never been that late but, things happen, right? It’s all so surreal now.
My doctor certainly shrugged it off as an “early miscarriage”. I didn’t get any of the advice that other women have gotten after a miscarriage. And maybe it’s because I went to my Primary Care physician instead of an OB. I wasn’t in the care of an OB yet so I didn’t have that option.
So, there you go…. my dilemma. I now feel like I can’t say with total peace and certainty that what I had was a real miscarriage. I now feel uncomfortable talking about it or even getting “consoled” by loving and caring people because I keep thinking ” What if….”. What if I got all those lovely cards, prayers, hugs, words of encouragement and sympathetic hugs…. for a fluke?? What if I’m a fake? However, I’m still dealing emotionally with loss! With a loss that, in my mind, may have been a false positive!
So, I may never know for sure until I get to Heaven if it was “real” or not. I may have to choose to believe it was real and go with the “evidence” that was given to me. The joy we felt for those 6 days is worth it. And maybe the Enemy is trying to make me have doubts. One thing I do know- God’s love is real. My relationship with Him is real. His work in me is real. The family and blessings He’s given me is real.
I’ve been praying so much for God to work in me here lately. To change me. I need changing so badly! To be a better mom and wife. Just to be a better person in general. It’s so easy to write stuff on a blog and make yourself sound wonderful.
Two principles that really struck a chord with me from our recent study of Beth Moore’s “Esther: It’s Tough Being A Woman” are these:
*God can turn the tables of our life anytime.
Beth gave the participants an exercise that I really enjoyed. She took 9 scenarios that make being a woman “tough” and created a worksheet with them. Them under them she had us write a verse in the Bible that directly corrolates to that but shows how God can completely change that issue. We were then to write on our own time the “tough” scenario on one side of a notecard and the verse that shows that God change that scenario on the other side. So whenever we’re going through one of those trials or insecurities all we have to do is look on the other side of the note card to see how God can change that issue for us. He completely turned the tables { for the better!} for Esther and the Jews when things looked their bleakest for them. He turned the tables on evil Haman too. Haman went from smug and sure things were going his way and then he ended up hanging from the gallows he intended for Mordecai! { I encourage you to read the whole story of Esther in the Bible if you never have. Just read the book of Esther!) Things were going one horrible, certain direction for the Jews yet God completely changed their course. He can do that for us too. He can turn our mourning into feasting.
* If_____________ then GOD.
Have you ever thought or said ” I don’t know what I’d do if __________ happened” ? Well, Beth presented to us that no matter what happens to us there will always be God. And He will lift us from the pit. So the point of the phrase is “If (blank because it doesn’t matter WHAT you put here) then GOD” God is the end all be all. He will sustain us. NO MATTER WHAT.
And on a much smaller scale, God still wants to work on little ol’ me. My issues don’t have to be my issues anymore. Things I think I can’t let go of I CAN let go of. Things don’t have to stay the same. I don’t have to stay the same. God can change me. I just have to be willing to let go.
I’ve written some things/issues/ requests on paper that I’m handing over to God or that I want to be rid of completely. I’m going to pray over each one and then I’m going to rip each paper and throw it away. It may sound silly but it’s symbolic for me. That I’m getting rid of extra “baggage”. That I can change and I don’t have to be the way I am about certain things.
FREEDOM!
And now…. my time is up for blogging. My girls are out here on the deck with me and we need to officially start our day. Mike has the day off today so we can get some stuff done.
If you took the time to read this whole post…..thank you!! Have a blessed day.
Horse And Carriage?
Monday, June 14th, 2010
I came across this post last Friday night that was apparently causing quite a stir in the blogosphere. After you read the first highlighted post you can also read about the Completing Him challenge straight from Courtney’s blog here. Before I tell you what I think of Scary Mommy’s post as well as Courtney’s I’ll give you guys a minute to read it.
…………………………..
Ok. Done? Ready?
What are your thoughts on Scary Mommy’s post? What are your thoughts on Courtney’s Completing Him challenge and her views on marriage?
I understand that Scary Mommy’s whole “thing” is snark and sarcasm so I’m not too surprised by what she wrote and how she wrote it in regards to her thoughts on the challenge. She totally thinks Courtney’s challenge is a bunch of crap and used her blog and sarcastic way of writing to make fun of it. I get that. What I was taken aback by was the comments by her readers! Whoa! Way over the top nastiness!! Comments on her looks? Comments that her husband is probably cheating on her? I was taken aback by the rock bottom level some of these women sunk to. (And I shouldn’t be because I’ve seen these kinds of comments on other blogs). The whole thing just felt mean and uncalled for.
Wow!!
Apparently, marriage and the roles in marriage are a HOT and touchy topic in bloggyland. I just don’t “get” nasty and downright mean comments. I just don’t. Call me crazy. Call me naive. I know you put yourself “out there” when your blog is public and you open yourself up to criticism. I have read so many blog posts and comments that I couldn’t agree less with. If I feel so strongly about what the blogger wrote that I feel I must reply I leave a respectful comment about it. I would never resort to negative comments on their appearance, thoughts on what their husband are probably doing on the side or on how I think their IQ is limited. Usually I don’t reply at all and move on. Unfortunately, too many women lead, nice, proper and even, dare I say, Christian lives during the day but then get on their computer and unleash their inner “mean girl” onto other bloggers because they can hide behind their computer thousands of miles way.
As to what I think about Courtney’s marriage challenge…I’m not sure. I have to admit that a little what-about-me attitude sprung up a bit. I know she’s totally doing this challenge with the right heart and for the right reasons. I totally respect and admire her for that. I think her ministry to women is wonderful! But…not sure this challenge is for me.
I know what the Bible says about marriage. I know how it talks about wives submitting to their husbands and husbands being the head of the household. I agree and believe all of that. However, there are so many different ideas on what “biblical submission” in marriage is.
Here, take a gander at Ephesians 5:21-33 yourself…
21Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— 30for we are members of his body. 31“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
I believe God created marriage for a purpose. I believe He does have a plan and a blueprint for how marriage should be. His design is the absolute best.
But what does “wives submit to your husbands” mean to you? My take is this:
We’re a team. A partnership in this marriage. But in this partnership Mike is the president and I’m the vice president. Mike has the final say so. He will also answer to God one day for how he lead our family. That’s a lot of responsibility! These verses don’t only talk about wives submitting to husbands. It talks about husbands loving their wives like Christ loved the church. Christ died for his church! That’s a lot of love!! I think too many people blow this chapter way out of proportion and get their panties in a twist over it. When I’m doing my part in showing love and respect to Mike and honoring him as the head of my home and he in turn is loving and treating me as if it were himself then that’s a lot of love , honor and respect flowing from both sides.That’s a great marriage right there! It’s all in the attitude and the spirit by which you view and live out your marriage. If you’re coming at it from a stand point of nitpickiness ( well, who’s job is it to do the dishes?I do them way more than he does…waahhh) and keeping a score card then your marriage will suffer. It doesn’t matter who does the dishes or the cooking. Each couple works out those details however it works for their marriage. It’s the attitude and the spirit that counts. If you’re doing all the dishes, cooking the meals, cleaning the house and rubbing your husband’s feet every night when he comes from work, but doing it with resentment and a terrible attitude than….you’re missing the point! That’ s not what this passage is talking about. Talk with your husband and work something out that works for both of you.
So…. lots of food for thought.
What do you think? Do you like to unleash your inner “mean girl”? Are you at peace with her and don’t think it’s a problem to lambaste other bloggers in their comment section? What do you think of the Completing Him challenge? What are your thoughts on marriage?
Oh boy, I really want to hear from you guys on this!
p.s In case you were wondering, Courtney does respond (in a Christ like and class way) to ScaryMommy and all other naysayers of her challenge here. You can also read a great article that ShePosts wrote about ScaryMommy and Courtney here.
6 Days
Monday, May 3rd, 2010
I knew I was pregnant for six days. I know that’s not very long. But it was a six day celebration of new life. I know a lot of people would not have told everyone they were pregnant that early. I’m sure a lot of people are thinking that I probably wish I hadn’t told everyone since I ended up losing the baby anyway. Deciding when to tell your friends and family you’re expecting is a very personal decision for each couple. Mike and I have always told people right away. I mean, not long after the test comes out positive!! Since I believe life begins at conception I believe that tiny little being had a soul. It was a little life. A little person that is now in Heaven. I have many friends who have lost babies and we all agree they are playing together in Heaven now. What a comforting thought. I had affectionately began to think of the baby as “Poppy” since it was the size of a poppy seed at the time.
Psalm 139:13-16
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
God celebrates life at conception. He ordained Poppy’s life from the beginning to the very end.
Was it hard and awkward having to tell people I just told that I was pregnant that I wasn’t pregnant anymore?
Heck yes!! I’ve had several awkward moments over the last few days. Several offers of congratulations to which I’ve had to reply that I lost the baby. One of the mom’s from Katelyn’s dance class asked me how I was feeling this past Saturday regarding the pregnancy. I had to tell her the news. She didn’t know what to say and it was very awkward.
Aaaaawkward! And more so for the other person, than for me!
But would I do things differently if I had the chance?
No.
When I get pregnant again (and I have hope that I will!) I will most likely tell everyone pretty quickly again. I’m glad we celebrated Poppy’s short life. I think he/she deserved it. Me telling people acknowledged that that little life was important. To us and to God. It deserved celebrating.
I’m still kind of in shock. I had barely gotten used to the fact that I was pregnant before I began the descent into being unable to believe that I wasn’t anymore. It all feels like a distant dream now. Except that I have the physical reminder that it wasn’t a dream.
It was hard to have to take those pregnancy tickers down off my sidebar. I had so much fun putting them up. I’m still getting pregnancy updates and tips from Baby Center. I definitely need to unsubscribe from those.
Since the girls are now back into their old room our third room is empty. We put the crib up in there. It was Mike’s idea. I told him I didn’t want it set up yet. I had been excited about setting it up before. But now I don’t see the point of having it set up in there until I know I”m pregnant again. Mike thinks it’s a good reminder that we will be using that crib again in the future. So we might as well have it ready. That made me smile.
A few days ago Katelyn said to me ” Mama, I’m sorry our baby died.” That broke my heart but also was one of the sweetest things I’d hear all day.
I have to tell you all THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. The comments, messages, e-mails, phone calls and cards have been amazing. We’ve been blown away by the love, support and prayers.
In fact, I’ve started feeling guilty about it! You guys have truly been “weeping with those who weep”. I don’t feel as if I deserve all of this support. I mean, my baby was only the size of a poppy seed. I know so many people who have lost babies who were the size of full term babies and even bigger. You guys have truly given validity to my baby’s life and Mike and I truly appreciate that. Some of your sweet and caring comments have even made me cry. In a good way!
Mike has been wonderful during all this. Obviously he was hurt by this as well but he’s let me do all the crying, moaning and sleeping. He wrote me the sweetest e-mail from work on Thursday. That’s a big deal because usually while he’s at work, I never hear from him! Unless it’s something he really needs me to do. It’s a running joke with us. But he wrote me an awesome and encouraging e-mail.
Right now I’m doing better day by day. I want to get back to normal. The past two weeks I’ve eaten horribly and haven’t exercised a bit. I know that’s contributing to my lethargy as well. I want to get back into God’s word. I don’t want to be angry anymore and I certainly don’t want to get cynical and bitter.
Phillipians 4:8
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
I want to devote my thoughts to the Lord and focus on His goodness so I don’t focus on things I have no control over. And I will continue hoping and praying that the Lord will give us another child.
A little quick blog business:
My brother has kindly converted my blog to Disqus which is sort of like a “universal” commenting system. You can sign up with Disqus to have your own profile and then every time you leave a comment you can just sign in with your Disqus info. By doing this you’ll you have your own profile picture and you can see a history of your comment and any comments in reply to yours. If you don’t want to sign up with Disqus you can just leave your name and e-mail in the section provided for that and still leave a comment. It will certainly make replying to your comments a whole lot easier. You will get my reply right to your e-mail inbox. I won’t have to reply in the comment section and hope you saw ir OR reply via e-mail individually to everybody.
Thank you again for your continued support and love. And for all the comments!
His Ways Are Not Our Ways
Saturday, March 13th, 2010
First it was Angie Smith’s Audrey Caroline, then it was MckMama’s little Stellan, then Angie’s Smith’s baby nephew Luke, then it was Kayleigh Freeman. This past week it was Layla Grace. These are all blogs I’ve followed of parents who have lost (or almost lost in MckMama’s case) a child. They all break. my. heart. I’ve cried, sobbed and prayed over all of them as their story was unfolding. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain these parents and families have suffered because of their loss. All of these bloggers have shown a tremendous amount of faith in the Lord and unbelievable strength. What an amazing testimony they are!
My own parents lost a baby at 18 days old – my twin sister Melanie. I’ve always asked my mom how she handled that and she’s always said they were able only with God’s help. The magnitude of the loss my very own parents suffered didn’t really hit me until I had my own children!
After the unbelievable amount of crying I did while following the slow passing of two year old Layla Grace I thought to myself ” That’s it! I’m not reading any more of these sad blogs!! I’m not following any more sick and dying children .”
It’s too sad! There are so many of these children out there. There are so many of them who need prayer.
How many of these blogs do I read? How many of these children do I pray for?
Do you feel the same way? I know that I end up feeling a tremendous amount of guilt. Guilt that I live in my own little world with my healthy children mostly unaffected by these families with dying children. Guilt because I think to myself ” Thank God it’s someone else and not me.”
Let’s be honest. When we hear about someone’s tragic story we all think to ourselves ” Thankfully it’s them and not me.”
Until it is us.
On February 16th Layla’s mother wrote about how the house was so quiet now because all Layla did was sleep. How she remembers back when she wished for some peace and quiet and for a few minutes to “get stuff done”. How everything took longer because Layla was underfoot. She wrote how if she had to do it all over again she would enjoy every waking moment to the fullest and how she wanted Layla to be underfoot now.
I can’t tell you how that broke me. I had just that very day been getting on to and yelling at my girls for their messes , fighting and interruptions. Wanting ” just 5 minutes!!” to complete a task. Oh how terrible I felt. I started crying and promised myself that I would make more of the waking moments and stop wishing for bed time.
I don’t know why but I’ve always been the type of person that always just knows something terrible is going to happen. And I walk around trying to be mentally prepared for it. Before I got married, I just knew Mike was going die before our wedding. I saw several sad stories on t.v of tragic things happening to couples either right before their wedding or right after. Every time Mike was late coming home and I couldn’t reach him I just knew he was dead on the side of the road.
I finally started getting over that feeling…………until I had kids.
Now I just know something bad is going to happen to them! Seriously, it may sound funny but it’s really sad! I still fight the “doom complex” every now and then. Reading stories like Layla Grace’s doesn’t help either! My heart just goes out to her family and families like hers.
But…. how may of these kids do we pray for? What are we to do when we read stories like these? I see prayer request links for sick children all over Twitter and Facebook all the time. Do I click on every link? Do I get drawn in by their stories and spend my days in tears because I feel so bad for them? Do I keep questioning why these kinds of things happen and why God would allow it? What purpose these sick children serve?
I really can’t.
What I’ve come to decide is I may not read every story but I will say a quick prayer for that child and family as soon as I see the request. That the Lord will keep them in His care and in His hands. That His will be done. That is the best thing we can do for these families. Know that the Lord knows everything and that He has them in the palm of His hand. Our human and mortal minds can’t comprehend God’s reasons at times. They don’t seem right and they don’t seem just. And God knows that!
In Isaiah55:8-9 it says:
” “For my thoughts are not your thoughts and neither are your ways my ways” declares the Lord ” As the heavens are higher than the earth so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.”
Although I may never understand why He allows certain bad things to happen I do trust that He knows what he’s doing.
In Matthew 25 it says :
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
And then it goes on to say:
33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
I know these verses don’t talk about having a sick and dying child. But I do believe it applies to me in the sense that worrying about stuff I have no control over ( like my husband or children dying unexpectedly) is n0t going to do me any good. Walking around wondering why these beautiful children are sick and/or dying and railing at God is not going to do me any good. I have to trust that since He takes care of the smallest things on earth He’s going to take care of me and those I love. I am so thankful my family knows the Lord and know exactly where they’re going when the Lord calls them home. That is such an relief!
We may not like His plan but His plan is perfect. Even if when we don’t understand it. I know that’s hard to grasp! And even more hard to live!
I apologize for how “ramble-y” this post is! I just wanted to get some of these thoughts that have been wondering around in my head on bloggy paper.
What are your thoughts? How do those sad blogs and stories affect you?
