Archive for the ‘Secondary Infertility’ Category
19 Months And Counting…
Monday, February 22nd, 2010
It’s been 19 months of trying to conceive a third child. Well, 19 and a 1/2 but who’s counting, right? (Me!!!!!) Almost 4 months since I wrote this post about my secondary infertility. I thought it was time to write about this sensitive topic once again. When I wrote that post almost 4 months ago I was obviously hoping that by now I’d have posted an “I’m pregnant!” post. That was not to be. I’m expecting “Aunt Flow” any day now but still maintain the hope that this will be “it” this time. I keep thinking ” How long is this really going to take?”. And I continue to feel guilty when reading blogs by women struggling with conceiving for the first time like Ashley at For The Love Of Shoes…..And A Baby Too. I feel terrible when I read that a dear friend of mine who has one beautiful little girl has miscarried yet again after trying to conceive for about a year. How terrible it must be to be able to conceive and go on to the lose the baby. Not once but many times over. How those two little lines that appear on that pregnancy test must hold hope and fear at the same time. I have so much empathy to give to women struggling to conceive for the first time because I was there. But then I wonder if they really want to hear from me since I already have two kids.
I’ve been hit recently by, what feels like, small” blows.” Three women I know have announced they are “oopsie” pregnant. And none of them are in a good situation for having children-i.e unmarried or not in a healthy marital relationship and in severe financial strain. You can say what you want about marriage being old school and not needed to raise a child but I still hold firm to my belief that it does matter. But, we’ll save that discussion for another day. Two of the women aren’t even sure they can handle a baby at this point! And I stand here looking skyward and saying ” HOW IS THIS FAIR???”. I’m in a pretty darn good situation to have another baby, yet, for some reason, it’s not happening.
I’m in an odd situation because of my secondary infertility. After doing some reading on the subject here I’ve found that secondary infertility affects 6 out 10 cases of infertility. That many couples struggling with secondary infertility are less likely to seek out a doctor because they assume once fertile always fertile. And in most cases couples suffering from SI don’t get the support from friends and family they need because they don’t feel it’s something they should complain about and feel guilty about desperately wanting more children. There are many people wondering why I write about such personal stuff for everyone and their brother to read. It’s for support! It’s therapeutic for me. And I hope that ,in some way, I can be a blessing to others as I write about my struggles.
The causes for SI are many times the same as they are for primary infertility.
Here’s what secondaryinfertility. org says:
Couples may find that since the last pregnancy, one partner had an infection, gained weight, or started eating things that aren’t* healthy for them – affecting their fertility. Also, as we age, eggs become of lower quality and sperm counts may decrease. In fact, abnormalities with ejaculate or sperm are often to blame for secondary infertility. From ovulation problems and endometriosis to uterine fibroids and pelvic adhesions, the causes of secondary infertility are often treatable – and many couples find that after just a few short months they are able to conceive naturally once their issues are resolved.
*Don’t bother clicking “healthy”. For whatever reason it takes you to a site completely unrelated to this topic!
The weight gain part is certainly one that applies to me and Mike. Which is why we are working hard at eating healthier foods and exercising not only to give our fertility a little boost but for overall health benefits. None of this will matter, however, if it’s not God’s timing for us to have a baby. I still believe that if God wanted us to have a baby right now He would have given us one. Maybe God wants us to be a little healthier. Maybe He sees some “behind the scenes” issue that we know nothing about that would make having a baby right now not a good thing. I don’t know! All I know is that I do trust Him, as much as I hate waiting and wondering.
Some days I’m really content. My girls are actually getting to the point where they’re “easier”. They’re bigger now so I don’t have to lug around as much stuff as I used to. I can take them places and not have to pull out a stroller or a car seat. (Although I’d gladly do that!) Other days I long for another baby so bad my heart hurts. And Katelyn has gotten to the point where she’s literally begging for a baby sibling! I would love to make Katelyn and Madelyn big sisters. They would make great big sisters! I truly don’t feel like they are “it”. I do have peace that God will give me more children. I just don’t know when!
As for the next step for us? I’m not sure yet. I will probably be having another ultra sound in the near future after (if??) Aunt Flow comes. Then we’ll see if the cyst is gone. After that, I have no idea what we’ll do.
A Bible verse that has been close to my heart here lately is this one:
Psalms 37:4-5
Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him and He shall bring it to pass.
I don’t want my secondary infertility to define who I am. I don’t want to be ” Hi, I’m Mel, and I struggle with secondary infertility. Nice to meet you.” I want to be Mel,who delights herself in the Lord. Mom and wife. Blogging addict. Coffee consumer.
Another couple of verses that almost makes me laugh it hits so close to home, is this one within the same chapter:
Psalm 37:7-8 (bold mine)
Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him; Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way, because of the man who brings wicked schemes to pass. Cease from anger, and forsake wrath; do not fret in only causes harm.
Allow me some liberty to re-write this verse and show you how I think it applies to me :
Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him; do not get upset about other women who are getting pregnant before you when the circumstances are not right for it. Cease from thinking it’s unfair and forsake getting angry. Do not worry, stress or question God’s ability to provide another child for you. It’s not doing you any good and only causing you harm.
This is why I love my God and His Word! The Bible is applicable today even though it was written so long ago. And God is so loving and patient He allows me to yell ” IT’S NOT FAIR!!” and stomp my feet at Him. But then He wants me to stop throwing a tantrum and just trust Him.
I’d love to hear from you if you’re struggling with fertility issues. I would like to start a blog roll of blogging women who struggle with primary and secondary infertility.
And if you’re one of those disgusting fertile people ( kidding!!!) who wants to show support or doesn’t know what to say just tell us you care and love us and want to show your support. And if you’re a Christian tell us you’ll pray for us! (And really mean it!)
And, please, if you get pregnant(and are happy about it) don’t refrain from telling us or act awkward. That honestly makes things worse! I know women are getting pregnant out there every day and the world doesn’t stop because I’m not getting pregnant. I may feel a tug of jealousy and sadness for myself but I’ll still be happy and celebrate with you. You deserve to celebrate and rejoice as much as you want. It’s a wonderful occasion! But, if you’re not happy about it and wish you hadn’t gotten pregnant… don’t tell me those little bits of info. Keep those to yourself.
Everything AND the kitchen sink!
Monday, February 8th, 2010
If ever there ever was a post with a mish mash of stuff, this is it! The kitchen sink included!
Way back when we thought we were moving( you know, two weeks ago…) Mike put up a much needed back splash behind our stove and sink. He used left over tile from our bathroom when we renovated that. I thought that was a very smart and frugal move on his part. The tile is pretty and very neutral in color. I took some pictures so my mom could see how it came out. My mom knows how ugly my walls were behind the stove and sink so she’ll really appreciate how much better it looks. You’re welcome to appreciate Mike’s handiwork too.
As usual, I wish I had taken a “before” picture but didn’t think of doing that while Mike was working on this. This may not seem like a big deal but we threw away our ugly, moldy (yes! it was moldy on the bottom, unbeknown to us!) dish drainer and bought a smaller one. The old one used to be to the right of the sink, taking up a lot of that space and making it look cluttered and ugly. I also had a cookie cooling rack laying there too for an extra spot to air dry dishes. We cleaned that area out and I put a smaller, prettier, non-moldy dish drainer to the left of the sink. It looks much neater and nicer and creates extra counter space to the right of the sink. I also took my dish soap, hand soap and sponges out of an ugly, plastic Tupperware container and put them in a glass pie dish. ( I never make pies!) It’s amazing how you get accustomed to certain areas of clutter and don’t even notice them anymore. Then once you finally notice it and make a few simple changes it makes a world of difference!
This is the back splash behind the stove. The walls were hard to keep clean and because I’m a messy cook they were usually splattered with grease and oil etc. Before Mike put up the back splash I scrubbed the wall behind the stove and to the right. It looked much better just with the walls washed. The back splash actually seems to make the kitchen look bigger and “homey-er”
And one last little detail that my mom will appreciate….
I finally changed the kitchen valance. It had a green, satiny looking valance that wasn’t hideous but wasn’t super pretty either. It was dark green. I never changed the valance after we moved in and have been ignoring it for almost 6 1/2 years! I finally put a cheerier one up. The previous owners also painted over the beautiful dark wood work around the window and doorway. Maybe now that we have time, we can sand that paint off and re-stain it.
Now we move on to my health update:
My nurse practitioner called a couple of weeks ago and said they were having trouble with the machine that reads the results of the holter heart monitor. So, I have to wear it for 24 hrs again. They’ll call me…. (hmm..I should probably follow up on that since they haven’t called me yet.)
I’m still having the same dizziness as before but have kind of gotten used to it! I’ve been taking my vitamin D and prescription iron pills. Even if those don’t help my dizziness they’re still good for me.
*If you’re a man reading this you may want to stop reading here if you don’t want to read about women issues..*
My ultrasound results came back and I have a cyst on my right ovary. That’s all the nurse said when she called. She said that could create fertility problems but from what I understand those are pretty common. So, they want me to go through two monthly cycles and then come back in for another ultrasound to see if the cyst has gone away on it’s own.
Fun stuff, right? So, we’re on a new lead with that. Not sure what will come of it but I’ll keep everyone updated.
On a side note, Katelyn just had another UTI so she was on another round of antibiotics for it. The doctor thinks she’s not wiping correctly and that’s what is causing these infections.
Now, I’ll leave you with some cute pictures of Katelyn in her dance costume. She really wanted to wear it all the time when we first got it. I’ve put it away and she’ll forget about for a bit until her recital in May.
Share Your *TTC/Fertility/Secondary Infertility Story Blog Carnival
Tuesday, November 10th, 2009
*Trying To Conceive
Whew! That title is a mouthful! This is my first ever MckLinky blog carnival and I’m excited about it. Are you having trouble conceiving for the first time? Or the fourth? Have you been told you cannot conceive? Are you having fertility issues? Are you going through the adoption process? Or, are you like me, suffering from Secondary Infertility? If any of this applies to you I would love to read your story and have you link up. There are so many wonderful women out there who are going through one or more of these issues. By sharing our stories we can meet other women who are going through some of the same issues we are. We can receive encouragement, support and possibly make a new friend! All stories are welcome-positive ones, sad ones, funny ones and the list goes on.
And if you don’t have a blog? Feel free to leave your story in the comment section! We’d still love to read it.
I shared my story a couple of posts ago but I’ll quickly summarize- I have two beautiful daughters. It took us 21 months to conceive our first. A year to conceive our second and now we’ve been trying for our third for 15 months. I received so much positive feedback through e-mails, comments and messages on Facebook that I thought “Why haven’t I done this sooner?”. I wanted to give others the chance to share and receive positive feedback too.
I am going to ask that you do one thing. Ok, maybe two. Please say a prayer and leave some words of support for the woman above your link and below your link. I think this would be a wonderful way for us to show some encouragement and solidarity. (Have I said encourage too many times?) I will be saying a prayer for each and every person who links up or leaves a comment. If you’re the first one to link up you get to say a prayer for me!:o) Also, please try to leave a comment on some of the other posts too. I will be commenting on all of them. Depending on how many women link up this may not be hard to do!
Since this is my first time doing something like this ( have I mentioned that already?) I ask that you bear with me if there any kinks that need to be ironed out.
Most of you have already done something like this but for those who have never done this before here are a few helpful hints/tips:
*Please add a link to my blog somewhere in your post.
*Once you’ve entered the MckLinky site:
1)In the “Title” box you can either a)Type your name b)The name of your blog or c) The title of your post
2) Type the URL to your post about this carnival in the second box. Please don’t link to your blog but to the post itself. For example: I wouldn’t write in the URL section www.simplymelsblog.com. Instead I would post the URL of the actual post I’m linking up which would look something like this:
http://www.simplymelsblog.com/this-is-me-being-authentic/
Hope this helped!
Did I mention that I’m excited?
Because I am.
Now link up and enjoy reading some powerful stories!
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Click here to enter your link and view the entire list of entered links…
This Is Me Being Authentic
Tuesday, November 3rd, 2009
I have thought long and hard about this post. When you write a blog you have to decide what to share and what to keep to yourself. There are some things that are definitely not appropriate to share in a public forum. As my blog is linked to Facebook whatever I write here turns into a note on Facebook which my 232 Facebook friends can read. I’m going to delete this post as a note on Facebook so anyone who wants to read it has to purposefully come here to read it. After I wrote this post about my Life Words and being authentic I thought I would put myself out there and be very open about something I’m struggling with. Something that is very close to my heart. Writing this is humbling for me and also exposing a sensitive part of me to my readers. (Mostly family, but still!! My mom is probably worriedly reading this right now and wondering what the heck I’m talking about) I’m doing this because I feel in not sharing this I’m not being open and authentic.
For the past 15 months, to be exact, we have been praying, trying and hoping to have another baby. Many people have joked that “isn’t it time?” and people have asked if we want more and I’m even sure that there are people who have been curious but too polite to ask when we were planning on having another one. After all, we do want four kids. Well, now you know. I was hoping to have another baby yesterday. When we decided to stop using birth control last July we I just assumed we’d have a baby by now. But, apparently God has other plans. I know this issue is a huge one among women today. My heart goes out to the millions of women who struggle with conceiving and fertility. It breaks for women who have been told they will never conceive or for those who have been trying for years to conceive their first. Please know I am not trying to categorize myself with those women. I would not assume to completely know their pain. After all, God has utterly blessed me with two beautiful and healthy girls. If I never have another child I will still be blessed beyond what I deserve. This fact still doesn’t take away from my desire to have more children and my disappointment each month when that doesn’t happen.
We tried to conceive for almost 2 years before I got pregnant with Katelyn. When we first set off in that endeavor we were so excited and figured it would happen within 6 months. So we told everybody. That was probably some of the hardest and longest 21 months of my life. During that time friends got pregnant had babies and got pregnant again. Of course, as any woman who’s trying to get pregnant knows, it feels as if everyone around you is getting pregnant. Except for you. So many people were praying and routing for us. We really appreciated all the love and support. I even had friends who got pregnant and felt terrible to tell me! Although I appreciated the love I certainly didn’t want anyone to feel bad about their good news. One thing I had a hard time with were all the questions/advice/suggestions each month (although well meaning) like ” So…are you pregnant yet?” , “Hurry up! I want you to be pregnant with me!” and various medical advice and suggestions. I went to the doctor and had various tests. Nothing was wrong with me.
The other thing that would make me cringe was when someone would announce they were pregnant and everyone would discreetly and not so discreetly look at me to see my reaction. Others would ask, later, if I was ok. Talk about feeling like my nerves and deepest emotions were being exposed! And of course I was always happy for the person although deeply desiring that same good news for myself. Then, (oh joy!) God blessed us with Katelyn. I will never forget the day I got the positive result on that pregnancy test. It was euphoric. The joy and excitement expressed to us by family and friends was overwhelming. I will never forget that time. Then I got pregnant with Madelyn when Katelyn was 13 months old. It was almost a surprise!! How easy that felt. I hadn’t been on birth control since I got pregnant with Katelyn. I thought that maybe taking so long to conceive with Katelyn had been just a fluke. Although we weren’t trying to conceive, it still took us a year to get pregnant with Madelyn. But it still felt like perfect timing. They would be just under two years apart. Great! After I had Madelyn I was a little overwhelmed with having two small children so I decided to go back on birth control pills because at the time I couldn’t fathom getting pregnant right away if that were to happen. Apparently I had nothing to fear! I found out recently that there is actually a name for this. Secondary Infertility. (There are links at the bottom of this post to more information on this subject)
So here we are. I remember in March getting very sad that once that month had passed my chance of having a baby this year was gone. As Mother’s Day neared I thought ” What a great Mother’s Day gift that would be” and found out a few days before that I was not pregnant. Then Father’s Day rolled around and I thought the same thing. Then my birthday (What an awesome birthday gift!) and our trip to Texas (what a great surprise for my family!) and …..nothing. Now Mike’s birthday has arrived.I just knew this was going to be it. I even had the way I was going to tell him all planned out for his birthday. And….still nothing. Although I would love to blame my not getting pregnant on some supposed residual affect of those birth control pills,I can’t. I would love to blame it on my weight because being overweight can affect fertility. I could blame a lot of things but the only person I can “blame” is God. He could make this happen. But He’s choosing not to. I’ve run the gamut of emotions. I’ve been angry, sad and frustrated. I’ve stomped my feet and yelled at God. I’ve cried in disappointment to Him. I’ve questions Him month after month. Please don’t let it take as long as it did with Katelyn! And what if takes as long or longer? What then? What will it mean?
Why does God give the Duggars 19 children and other women none? Why do 14 year old girls get pregnant and have abortions when there are couples waiting with empty arms? These questions are tough and we will never understand them. But God does. And He can take whatever we say to Him.One of the answers is that we live in a sinful world and because of that bad things happen. Bad things happen to good people. Life is unfair from our perspective. I know God is in control. He has a reason and He has a purpose. And he doesn’t owe me an explanation although I’d really like one!
I read this today from the “Purpose Drive Life”
” God wants you to develop the kind of character described in the beatitudes of Jesus, the fruit of the Spirit, Paul’s great chapter on love, and Peter’s list of characteristics of an effective and productive life. Every time you forget that character is one of God’s purposes for your life, you will become frustrated by your circumstances. You’ll wonder “Why is this happening to me? Why am I having such a difficult time?”
So, maybe God’s trying to develop my character. Maye He knows that I wouldn’t deal well with three children right now. Who knows? All I can do is wait. So I move on. I keep praying that His will be done and that I’ll be happy with however many children He wants to give me. I’m doing my best to not focus on this right now. I have so many good things going and many exciting opportunities to partake in coming up.
And I wait. And I’m ok. Really. I don’t need to talk about it a whole lot. I’ll feel free to write about it as I feel led on this blog. I’ll be sure to share the news with the WORLD when it happens. If it does. And I’ll be ok.
So… I’ve exposed my heart. It’s out there. Was this authentic enough?
And if you’re interested here are a couple links to articles about Secondary Infertility-
http://www.cookiemag.com/brain/momhealth/2006/11/secondshot
The Guilt Of Secondary Infertility (great article if you struggle with guilt over desiring another child)
http://www.preconception.com/articles/diagnosed-infertility-issues/secondary-infertility-1303/
