I have. Last week.

At first I wasn’t even sure I was going to share this story on my blog. Although I’m a pretty open person and almost everything in my life is fair game for my blog (hee hee) I wasn’t planning on sharing this particular story.

It showcases my stupidity and absentmindedness to it’s fullest. But God took this little happening in my life and pretty much did an all out miracle for me. I see God’s hand all over the story I’m about to share with you.

Yes, yes….I’m getting to it already!!

So….last Monday, 4th Of July to be exact, we went to the zoo. (Pictures to come!! I’m so back logged right now….)

Mike had the day off and we thought it would be a great day to get out as a family and go to a zoo in the area we’d never been to.

Over the weekend we had been working on and updating our budget spreadsheet  ( via Financial Peace University) and had noticed a few mistakes miscommunications  on my part on the spreadsheet that needed fixing. Due to this fact, we had no “extra” money in our checking account. On my way out the door to leave for the zoo I thought “What if we have some sort of emergency while we’re an hour away from home? And we can’t use our debit card?? “  Remember my good intentions as you read the rest of this story…

So, I remembered that I still had the envelope with our vacation money sitting in my desk that I hadn’t deposited yet. I thought ” Let me grab this and throw it in my purse. Just in case.”

It was a lot of money.  Over one thousand dollars of a lot of money. Way more than I should have  ever been carrying around in an envelope.

Many of you are probably cringing, knowing what’s probably coming.

And you would be right.

Anyway back to my story.  We arrived at the zoo and started enjoying our time there. I had envelopes with the girls zoo spending money, our zoo spending money along with the vacation envelope. I had envelopes all over the place!  We bought stuff in one gift shop on our way out and then stopped at a Brazilian restaurant for some delicious dinner.

We got home late, hot, and exhausted but happy. Everyone threw their stuff on the dining room table and went off to wash up and go to bed (the kids) and watch t.v ( mommy and daddy).

Tuesday morning we got up and I rushed Katelyn off to her first day of Super Summer at church and ran errands after I dropped her off. Everything that had been dumped on the dining room table had not been looked at or dealt with until Tuesday night.

Tuesday night I thought to myself that I needed to clear off the table and that that vacation envelope should go back to the drawer I had it in and then deposit it. I did a quick glance in my purse and didn’t see the envelope. I felt a slight troubling twinge but figured I’d do a better search in the morning.

Wednesday  morning I got up and looked through my purse for the envelope again.

It wasn’t there. All the other empty ones were there but the BIG one wasn’t. My heart started pounding a bit but I thought that it probably fell out of my purse onto the mess that was the dining room table. After looking through and clearing off the dining room table, I found that the envelope wasn’t on the dining room table either.

Now, at this point, I’m starting to sweat just a little.

Ok, seriously. Ahem. It’s time to find this thing. Time to come out envelope, ol’ buddy, o’l pal with my lots -of -vacation- money in it!!

Aha! I must have put it on my desk with other papers I just put there. Whew. Dodged that one!

After tearing apart my desk and office I found that the envelope wasn’t there either!!!! The envelope was not in any of the “logical” places it should have been.

At this point I am starting to P-A-N-I-C. Oh God!! No really. Not taking the Lord’s name in vain here. Oh, God help  me!!!

What idiot loses a thousand dollars in an envelope and has no clue how it happened???

Me , apparently!!

At this point you must also know that I hadn’t told my husband about it yet. I hadn’t even told him I had taken the envelope to begin with. It was such a passing thing it didn’t even cross my mind to tell him I’d done it.

Think. Think.Think.

Target. I went to Target yesterday. It must have fallen out of my purse at Target. Pretty sure I saw it in my purse at Target.

Maybe.

Called Target. Sorry, they don’t have it.

CRAP! Besides, if it had fallen out at Target WHO would pass up an envelope with that much cash in it?? No one, most likely, this day and age.

I called the Brazilian restaurant we ate at. They didn’t have it.

I spent all of Wednesday SICK and with my stomach twisted in knots. I couldn’t focus on anything. I couldn’t eat. I was worried sick. And trying to figure out how to tell Mike that I had managed to lose our hard earned vacation money. The whole time I’m praying, praying, praying.

Lord, please don’t let this happen to me. I had good intentions!!

Please help some kind person to have found that envelope if I dropped it somewhere and turned it in.

Please let it be in the house somewhere and guide me to it!

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

All day Wednesday I prayed and all day I kept hearing the name of the gift shop we bought souvenirs at at the zoo in my head. I kept thinking “ Nah. I couldn’t have left it there. I’m almost positive I saw it once we got home!“. But that name kept coming up in my head.

So, I told myself I’d call the gift shop the next morning and if they didn’t have it I would HAVE to tell Mike what had been going on and tell him that I had lost our vacation money.

So I went to bed with lead in my stomach but feeling slightly hopeful. We got up Thursday, I dropped Katelyn off at Super Summer and waited impatiently for 10 am to come. At the time I was at the library waiting for one of the kids programs to start for Maddy. I ran outside,  made the phone call and gave the manager all my info. She said she’d look and call me if they found anything.

With a heavy heart I hung up and went inside to finish out the childrens activity and then go pick up Katelyn from Super Summer. When I got home my answering machine was beeping.

Heart pounding, I pressed the play button and heard ” Hello, this is Eric from XYZ zoo and you had called about a lost envelope with money in it. Well, we found your envelope.... Please call  Tina at this number so we can get this back to you.”

I burst into tears of relief! I couldn’t believe it!!

I couldn’t dial the number fast enough. They told me I had left it on the counter on Monday and they had put it in their safe. I could come whenever I wanted to pick it up. I told them I’d be leaving within the  next half hour. I packed the kids back in the van, grabbed some lunch for them and dropped the oldest two off at my inlaws after explaining the whole story to them. Then Jocy and I drove an hour there to pick up the envelope. I wasn’t going to be completely calm until I had that thing in my hand!!

As I drove I kept thinking- What if it’s not my envelope? What if it doesn’t have all the money in it?

Then I kept telling myself that 1. God wouldn’t have brought me this far to have that envelope not me mine and 2. What other idiot would have accidentally left an envelope of money there on Monday?

Alas, this story has a great ending. It WAS my envelope and ALL of the money was there! I told “Tina” I could kiss all of them for being so honest and returning my envelope.

But, God also deserves a lot of praise. He was watching over that envelope and he was the one protecting it. It could have easily been snatched up but He allowed it to be returned. And He kept telling me all day on Wednesday to call the gift shop!! I was just too dumb to listen.

If only…right? I could have had that envelope a couple of days sooner!

That’s why I’m sharing this story. To show you how amazing God is. I’m so thankful to him for relieving me of that burden. God’s hand was completely at work all of last week.

I guess you’re wondering what Mike thought of all this?

Well, at first I wasn’t going to tell him. I thought why create needless distress for him when it all worked out. But we’re a team. We tell each other everything. As much as I wanted to keep that little foible to myself I knew I should tell him about it. And face whatever music there may be. He had the right to be upset. That was A LOT of money to almost lose!  Everyone else in our families knew due to me asking for major prayer so it was only right that he know too.

And you know what? I’m glad I told him Sunday afternoon.

His reaction was completely none emotional. He closed his eyes and groaned (probably like you did) when he saw where my story was going. But then he said  ” It’s just money. Mistakes happen all the time.”

He’s cool like that.

God is good!! Our vacation money is recovered and where it should be. Just a week ago today I was sick with worry. Today I’m carefree as a bird.

Thank you, Lord!

One week ago today, I accidentally started a fire on top of my stove.

This is how it happened…

I have a smooth top range. I wanted to boil some eggs for an egg salad sandwich.  I put the pot on top of my stove and turned on the back burner instead of the front burner, which is the burner the pot was sitting on. I frequently turn on the wrong burner, usually without any repercussions.

That would not be the case today, however. And, as it happens, I got to see what using a fire extinguisher was like. Something I’ve oddly wanted to try.

We have a loose vent cover on the back of our stove. It falls off sometimes. It decided to fall on this day onto the lit, uncovered burner. I had gone into my office, and was checking my email and Facebook. (Big surprise there).

After awhile I noticed a horrible burning smell and looked up to see smoke in the living room. I yelped and ran into the kitchen thinking water had just boiled over.

Well, instead I saw a small fire burning on top of my stove!! The fire was big enough, however, to have me scared and panicking.  Thankfully, when we moved into this house my husband put a fire extinguisher in the kitchen. I fiddled with trying to pull it off the wall for a second and pulled the red pin out. Then, when it still wouldn’t spray I started yelling at it and frantically pushing and pulling a bunch of stuff at the top. Then, suddenly, it started spraying! (Thank the Lord!) That extinguisher made quick work of putting out the fire. I then had to open all the windows and turn on all the fans to get rid of the smoke and burned smell in our house. I was thankful that fire didn’t spread past the stove. And for that fire extinguisher!! I could have kissed my husband for making sure we put that in.

Here is what’s left of the culprit that started it all.

Once the flames started building up it started melting the knobs on my stove and one of them fell off and fed the flames even more.

This is what the stove looked like after I sprayed everything.

After I cleaned up everything ( and boy that extinguisher stuff is a mess to clean up!) this is the damage that was caused by the fire.

As you can see the stove looked pretty bad afterward. I was so upset and shaky.  I also did not look forward to telling my husband what had happened and that we’d possibly need a new stove!

My husband was just happy that we were all ok and wasn’t upset. In fact, he seemed rather happy that now we had a reason to get a new stove!

And there is the blessing to the end of this story.

I got a beautiful new stove!!!

Something good came from something bad.

I’m so thankful that:

a) Nobody was hurt and that the situation wasn’t much worse. God was really watching over us.

b) I have an understanding husband.

c) Thanks to taking the Financial Peace University class  we had the cash already saved up to buy this new stove without having to go into debt for it!

What’s funny is that, Katelyn was upset I put out the fire before she could see it!!

This verse came to mind after all of this happened. I thought it was quite appropriate!

Isaiah 61:1-3

The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon Me…
To comfort all who mourn, To console those who mourn in Zion,
To give them beauty for ashes, The oil of joy for mourning,
The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;
That they may be called trees of righteousness,
The planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified.

I love how God can take something bad and turn it into something good!

This post is linked Things I Love Thursday hosted by The Diaper Diaries.

Katelyn is sleeping soundly in her bed right now. Thank God! I”m about to go to bed myself! After a visit to her pediatrician we were sent to Boston’s Children’s Hospital for some tests. Her regular pedi was stumped as to why Katelyn had that huge episode. She was tested for strep and that came back negative. They did another throat culture where the results won’t come back for 48 hours. This test will show whether or not she has a strain of strep that causes hallucinations called PANDAS. She did have a red patch in the back of her throat.

The doctors at Children’s did a couple of minor tests, asked a bunch of questions and released her with a clean bill of health. They said they didn’t think there was anything really wrong with her and that it was just a freak episode! She had a couple of little freak outs at the hospital but nothing compared to the hysteria of earlier today.

We’re hoping for a peaceful night!

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It’s 7:30 am as I begin writing this post. We’ve all been up since 3:30 am. Is one of us sick?

Nope. Unless you count mentally.

Katelyn has been in her own, pardon my language, personal Hell since 3:30 am. I’m at a loss as to what to do right now. She woke up at 3:30 screaming that there were bugs on her and in her bed.  If only turning on the light and showing her there were no bugs had worked. Even with the lights on she was hysterical, hitting herself, trying to tear her pajamas off and screaming bloody murder. We thought maybe she was having night terrors or sleep walking. She was wide awake. Nothing could convince her that there were no bugs on her. She would calm down for a few minutes and then start screaming and hitting herself all over again. She would hit her hands, her feet and flail about, screaming.

Absolutely NOTHING was working. She wouldn’t walk on the floor without “skating” on a blanket because she was terrified the bugs would get on her feet. We had to change her pajamas and underwear because she swore there were ants in them and the were crawling up her butt.

And every few minutes she would start screaming hysterically that they were on her again and begin to hit herself.

It was awful to watch. I almost felt like she was demon possessed! I felt like I was watching something out of a nightmare. If she’d has something sharp she probably would have cut herself with it. I began to cry myself, at one point.

We sprayed Febreze all over her room and on her clothes telling her that it was bug repellent. She believed it for about thirty minutes and then started pointing out that I hadn’t sprayed her butt, her “noo-noo” her neck or the bottom of her feet and bugs were getting on those parts. She begged me to spray all of those parts. Which, of course I wasn’t about to do. She kept asking how long the spray lasted to keep the bugs out. All the while still feeling them crawling all over her. She was super jumpy and constantly freaking out and hitting herself and her clothes. She would scream ” Ack!!… WHAT”S THAT? There’s a bug RIGHT THEEEERRE!” And then we would point out that there was nothing there and she would go ” oooh…”. She saw them all over her bed and in her blankets. She would ask for us to hold parts of her shirt so the ants couldn’t get out. Then begin to tear at her clothes and scream and scream and scream.  Nothing could convince her that it was in her mind. If anything touched her whether it be the ruffle on her sleeve, our hand, the tag on her pants or her blanket she would start screaming all over again.

After a while Madelyn started to cry because Katelyn was scaring her.

Mike prayed with her and reminded her that Jesus was watching over her. We read a story. We had some water.We gave her a glow stick so she could look over her body with it.

We finally let her and Madelyn into bed with us. That didn’t help! She saw bugs in our bed too. She would start to kick and scream again. She then peed in our bed from all the crying and screaming. We let her stay naked for a bit because bugs were all over her clothes. She swore they were trying to get up her butt. She then decided to put her nightgown on but didn’t want her underwear. There were bugs in them. I had to throw them into her room before she would stop screaming about them.

This may sound funny but it wasn’t. It was a nightmare. Her tortured screaming was awful. There was nothing we could do!

We all tried settling down and going to sleep but we couldn’t. With Katelyn screaming, crying, flailing and kicking every few minutes no one got any sleep. She sat up curled in a ball moving the glow stick around herself so she could see if there were bugs near her. She laid next to me and asked me to keep my hand on her. But that didn’t help. The bugs were still there and the screaming continued. At one point I was laying on my back and she was laying completely on top 0f me so she wouldn’t be touching the bed.But somehow, the bugs reached her even when she was on top of me.

By this point it was 5 am. Mike had to get up to get ready for work. The girls and I stayed in bed. Every time I thought Katelyn was calming down and about to go to sleep she would start screaming. She started begging me to get the bugs off. Begging and begging. It broke my heart. If there had been anything I could do I would have!! I would pretend to get the ants off her and she would asked to see them. When there was nothing in my hand she would scream ” Nooo. You didn’t get it!! There’s nothing in your hand!!”

Nothing I said helped. Showing her over and over again there were no bugs ANYWHERE didn’t do anything to calm her terror.

We finally got up about 6:00 am and she begged to put on different underwear and get dressed. So we did and she went downstairs. I thought the daylight and being up would help.

It didn’t. She continued to scream, hit herself and tear at her clothes even wide awake, in morning light and in the living room. She came running up the stairs at one point, screaming, holding her sweat shirt out telling me to get the ants out. I had to pull her away from the top of the stairs because her hysteria was about to send her toppling down. We took off the sweat shirt and she was fine for a bit. Then she began to scream that they were in her underwear so off came the pants and undies.

She’s currently sitting on the couch, naked, wrapped in a blanket and watching t.v. Madelyn is completely asleep next to her. It’s been about thirty minutes and there’s been no screaming. It’s the longest period of quiet we’ve had since 3:30 am. I hope it continues.

She won’t be going to school today. I’m going to give them both a warm bath later this morning. That should help. I may put some of my lotion on her and tell her it’s “special”. I desperately need to go grocery shopping today and I can’t have her ripping her clothes off and screaming in the middle of the store.

I feel terrible for her and hope last night was a one time thing! I’m completely dumbfounded and at a loss as to how to handle this!

We’re all exhausted as well. I’m hoping we can all nap later today.

Please pray for Katelyn if you think about it today.

I started spotting yesterday and then it went away. I know that can be pretty normal at the beginning of a pregnancy. Then I started spotting more right before and during our FPU class. Yes, I went to to the class get my mind off what I figured was going on. Of course, the pregnant couple who started out with us brought their adorable, brand new baby boy to class. I congratulated them and all the while was thinking ” How ironic. I’m most likely losing my baby right now”. But I kept hoping and praying. Then I developed the mother of all migraines and was up all night moaning and tossing and turning from pain, vomiting and watching my spotting get heavier and stop. And then start up all over again. I swear I even got a little delirious at one point. It’s all a huge nightmarish haze now.

We got up this morning and headed to the doctor. All the way there I prayed and begged God to still let me miraculously still be pregnant. That I knew He could do that if He wanted to. They took blood work and told me that , indeed, I was not pregnant anymore. That I’d most likely had an early miscarriage. The doctor I saw today is the main doctor of the practice but I’ve never actually seen her before. I usually see the Nurse Practitioner, Angela, who I really like. The Doc I saw today must have said every cliche in the book about miscarriages. She said ” Was this your first?” I told her that no, it was my third. And she replied ” Oh! You already have two? Then why do you want more for? Isn’t two enough???”

WHAT?? What kind of question is that??

Then she told me that it was probably for the best because that was nature’s way of  telling me early on that there was something probably wrong with the baby and it could have had Down Syndrome or something.

I was thinking ” You have got to be the worse person at comforting I’ve ever met!”

And so what if the baby had Down Syndrome? I would have still wanted it!

Mike has been doing his best to comfort. Obviously he’s upset too. We both know the pregnancy was still very early in and that it was better to have happened this early than later on.

It still HURTS. I still can’t believe it. I’m still angry.

I’m overwhelmed with everything right now. My upside down, hugely disorganized and messy house. How behind I am on keeping track of our spending. My piles of laundry EVERYWHERE. I don’t want to cook dinner or see anybody.

I forget what day it is and what obligations I have.

I just want to sit and hug my girls and watch t.v.

And cry. And be mad.

I’m also exhausted from not sleeping last night.

Everyone has been so wonderful with the comments and outpouring of love on Facebook and Twitter. All the comments have made me cry even more, but, in a good way. Everyone is trying, in their own way, to say the right thing. There’s no right think to say but I appreciate every single comment.

We tried to do something “normal” this evening as a family. We went to the mall for dinner at Chick-Fil-A and then to the pet store next to the mall to get more fish. While there a lady behind me commented on how the dog in line in front of me was pregnant. I wanted to laugh at the irony. Oh,and I also had to stop at Wal-Mart to buy feminine hygiene products. I’ve never hated having to need those things more than I did today.

I know God is in control. I know there is a reason for this. I’m still mad at God for allowing it. And I know there are so many other women out there that have gone through miscarriages and losses many times over. I don’t know how they do it. Once is plenty for me.

I’m frustrated because I have no control over this. First of all, I never actually thought a miscarriage would happen to me! That always seemed like something that happened to other women. I can’t control or dictate when I’ll get pregnant again. And then, who’s to say I won’t miscarry then too?

It just sucks. Plain and simple.

Now I won’t be having a baby this year. I don’t get to be a part of the group of women I know who I was supposed to continue to be pregnant with.

I just wrote a post on my TTC support blog about how I was going to close it down for now so I could focus on getting myself together, prioritized and ready for this coming baby. I won’t be closing that blog down like I thought. Maybe I shouldn’t have tried to close it down in the first place. Other women  hurting doesn’t stop because I got pregnant and life doesn’t stop because I’m not anymore.

Please keep me in your prayers. I know this isn’t the end of the world. I know I”m still richly blessed and I know my God is still good.

God is still good.

He gives and He takes away.

But He is still and forever will be good.

We’re not very  proper in this house. We just plain pee and poop.

Having been in the childcare field before I was a mom, I’ve heard a plethora of different potty language.

Do you poo? poop? poo poo? Make a stinky?  Or just plain have a BM?

Does your child tinkle? Pee? Pee Pee? Urinate? Or, a favorite of my mother in law’s, go pishkies?

Let’s not forget the other thing we do (not always in the bathroom!) that tends to be a favorite topic of young children. And grown men.

Passing gas.

Or as Madelyn says, giggling, “Pass the gas”. I hate the topic of breaking wind. Although I’m writing about it, I find it disgusting. I don’t think it’s funny. Or cute. Each household has different terminology for that gross, but necessary, bodily function.

Pass gas, fart, foat, toot, poot OR, the new one I’ve had the un-pleasure of learning recently- float an air biscuit. And if you’re in New England, which I am, you don’t fart you “faht”. Which sounds even more hideous, in my opinion. In our house we generally try to just pass gas. If I had to pick another one I’d go with “toot”. It has a less offensive ring to it than the word “fart” which hurts my ears anytime anyone says it.

And when you’re changing those cute little posteriors? Do you call them Behinds? Butts?  Bottoms? Rear ends? Fanny’s? Tushies? Or, yet another favorite term my mother in law has introduced me to, little biscuits?

Don’t get me started on what to call anatomy parts that differentiate boys and girls. That’s a whole ‘nuther can of worms. Do you call their parts by their actual names or do you make up cutesy terms? I’m for calling them by their actual names although I’ve yet to actually do that. I can’t seem to get the words to roll out of my mouth quite naturally just yet. But I”m sure when the time comes that I absolutely  have to, I will.

What potty words to you use in your house? Do share!!

But, keep in clean.

Please.