This discussion comes from Courtney at Women Living Well. I admire Courtney and her sweet spirit and heart for the Lord. While I may not agree 100% with everything she writes I agree with 85% at least. I plan on becoming a regular reader.

She wrote this blog post a couple of days ago titled ” Facebook and Inappropriate Relationships”. She wrote about Facebook and how it’s starting to ruin marriages and what her and her husband are doing about it. Check it out and check out the comments. (It’s a hot topic so the comments range from over the top, to spot on to interesting, in my opinion). When you’re done you can read below my feelings on the subject. You know, if you’re so inclined. I know you’re dying  to read what I think!

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So, maybe I’m naive but I have never considered that Facebook would break up marriages! I guess since I don’t know anyone personally who’s had that problem I have just never thought about it. After reading this blog post and the comments I can definitely see how that might happen.

I don’t feel led to delete my male friends but kudos to those who do. Call me weak  but I could NEVER close my Facebook completely! I do feel like Facebook can be used for good. It all depends on what YOU do with it.

Here are some thoughts I have on this subject:

~I use Facebook to keep in touch with my family who live in Texas and other parts of the United States. My mom really enjoys seeing pictures of my girls that I post on Facebook. My grandparents are on Facebook, which I think is cool.

~My male friends include family members, church members, friends from highschool, coworkers of Mike’s and regular friends I’ve met along the way.  I have never had one inappropriate comment from them nor have I seen an inappropriate status written by them. Since Mike was my first boyfriend I have no exes to be friends with. That might definitely be a little awkward. I might not friend an ex if I had one.

Do you friend your exes on Facebook? What are your thoughts on that subject?

~ Usually, I’m friends with the wife/ girlfriend/fiance of the male friend (if he’s married etc) as well.

~ I’ve made some wonderful connections through Facebook that I might never have had the chance to do because of busy schedules or distance. It’s actually been a really funny experience. I’ve gotten to know people better because of Facebook!

~ I agree with one of the comments that some of those women acted like their husbands and men in general are like wild animals who can’t control their lust and being tempted! Again, I’m not trying to down play real issues with that, because there certainly are. But I think those types of men are far less common than some of the women commenting made it out to be.

~ There have been way more instances of my women Facebook friends being inappropriate or obnoxious on Facebook than the male friends I have. I’ve never actually un-friended anyone, but I have hidden them from my news feed because I got tired of their crap.

~ Facebook is a tool that will turn out to be however you use it!

Those are my thoughts on that!

What are you thoughts on this subject? I found it so interesting!

I would love to start exercising regularly (which I will attempt at some point) and finding a regular, new time to read my Bible and pray ( Certainly won’t be at 6 am anymore. Probably during  attempts at breastfeeding!!). But, I’m going to take those things one day at a time.

I’m all about learning flexibility this year.

A verse that was on my heart last year and is still on my heart this year that sums up what I want spiritually for myself  in 2011 is Micah 6:8.

I have taken the liberty to copy and paste my favorite three versions from Bibleresources.com.

Micah 6:8 (New American Standard Bible)

⁸He has ^(A)told you, O man, what is good;
And ^(B)what does the LORD require of you
But to ^(C)do justice, to ^(D)love kindness,
And to walk ^(E)humbly with your God?

Micah 6:8 (New Living Translation)

⁸ No, O people, the Lord has told you what is good,
and this is what he requires of you:
to do what is right, to love mercy,
and to walk humbly with your God.

Micah 6:8 (Amplified Bible)

⁸He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, and to love kindness and mercy, and to humble yourself and walk humbly with your God?^(A)

If I can learn to consistently  love and practice justice, kindness and mercy more than their negative counterparts this year I think I’ll have accomplished something.

If I can learn to humble myself before the Lord and walk side by side with him, having given my desires completely to His will in 2011 that will be better than losing 20 pounds or cleaning out my closet.

What are your goals for 2011? Do you have a concise list of exactly what you want from this year? Or are you like me…winging it a bit and hoping for your flexible best?

Here are some great blog posts and articles I’ve found that are great motivations for the new year.

10 Tips For Making Your Goals a Reality ( From Life…Your Way)

Quick Tip: Write Down Your Goals For Yourself As A Mother (From Motherhood…Your Way. A Life…Your Way blog)

5 Ways To Get A Fresh Start ( By Linda Samuels from The Other Side Of  Organized)

Jesus Wasn’t Radical (By Kat at Inspired To Action. Thought provoking for when you’re planing your 2011 goals)

What’s Your Theme For 2011? ( Also by Kat at Inspired To Action)

HAPPY 2011 and here’s to at least accomplishing one of your goals this year!

I replay conversations in my head and wonder if I offended someone without meaning to. I feel guilty over certain things I say to my husband. I feel guilty over the fact that I haven’t read my Bible for a few days or failed to pray regularly that week. I feel guilty over reactions I have to things, offenses I take, things I eat (or don’t), my time management and my parenting.

I think the biggest guilt I deal with right now is Mommy Guilt. If you’re a mom, you most likely know what I’m talking about.  Now, I’m not saying I don’t do anything that I shouldn’t feel guilty about. My parenting is far from perfect. But, I’m trying to start focusing on the stuff I should really be working on and truly feeling guilty about and leaving behind the little stuff that really won’t affect my kids’ growth and well being. Some days I feel like I need  a sticker chart for accomplishing parenting goals that I’ve been really wanting to accomplish! It’s so easy to compare yourself with all the mommies you know. I am blessed (or maybe cursed? Haha) to know many exemplary mommies. They’re my friends. They’re in my family.  It’s very easy to be reminded of my faults when it comes to my mothering.

I wrote on my Simply Mel Facebook page last week (you click “like”  in the box in the top right hand corner if you want. Hint. Hint.) that the girls and I were having dinner at the dining room table for the first time in ages. I asked how many of my “fans” had dinner regularly at the table together. I got some great responses! I was impressed and a little embarrassed to see that more people than not regularly ate dinner together. That’s been something I’ve felt guilty about for a long time. I usually cook dinner every night but since dinner seems like such an informal affair with it just being me and the girls, it’s usually in front of  the t.v. Or the girls eat by themselves and I eat by myself. That conversation really motivated me to make dinner at the table a priority. Even though my husband will, most likely, not be having dinner with us during the week, I want to make dinner time special for us three girls. (Four girls in the near future!)

I also yell and raise my voice too much. I know I’ve mentioned this struggle before. And I know the reasons behind it! Usually it’s because I’m repeating myself for the second or third time or I’ve mismanaged my time and I’m rushing the girls out the door for something. I shouldn’t have to repeat myself. I should require that my girls obey the first time. But cracking down, being consistent and following through is hard work. Repeating myself and then yelling the girls into action is the easy way out.
Being more organized and prepared would smooth transitions out and I wouldn’t feel the need to snap at the girls to ” Hurry up!” and “Stop fooling around!!” as often.This is most definitely something we’ve been working on. Every time I slip I feel guilty. I so admire my friends who seem to be so patient. And speak in such soothing tones to their children. I want to be like that!!

Some days, I don’t give my children the eye to eye contact and attention they deserve. They can tell I’m distracted and not completely paying attention to them. Actually, I’ve been very distracted as of late. I really want to rectify this. I require that they give me their full attention when I’m speaking to them. I owe them the same courtesy.

I feel guilty about getting annoyed at Katelyn’s endless stream of questions and they “why”  about everything. ” WHY can’t I do this?” “WHY can’t I have that??”  When I don’t feel like getting into a lengthy discussion or explanation, I say ” I don’t know” or ” Because that’s the way it is/I said so/ None of your business”.  I’ve also never been the type to say ” Hmm…let’s look it up on the computer!”

Now that the girls are getting bigger I should start explaining our plans or why things are the way they are. I don’t want to frustrate them and get to the point where they don’t want to ask questions anymore. Do they need an explanation for everything. No.

But maybe they could do with a little more than what they’re currently getting.

I mentioned above that there are some things, however, I’m not going to beat myself up over.

I’m not going to feel guilty about how much t.v I let them watch. They do watch a lot of t.v! But, they spend a lot of time playing outside, playing with their toys, coloring, looking at books and so on and so forth. My girls don’t only watch educational shows. We don’t have a ” one hour a day of t.v” rule in my house. They’re still well adjusted, smart and creative.

I don’t give them a bath every day! Well, in the summer they get baths every day. But in the winter, they get one every other day. I don’t particularly enjoy bath time. I look forward to non bath nights. Some people might think that this is gross. But, it’s a proven fact that baths every other night are just fine for small children. Too many baths can dry out their skin.

I don’t always let the girls listen to what they want in the car. I personally like talk radio and the only time I get to listen to it is in the car. Constant questions and noise in the car drive me batty. A better Christian mommy would probably let their kids listen to Children’s worship songs and calmly encourage conversation with their kids in the car. I tell them they need to be quiet while I listen to my show. I have a hard time hearing them in the car anyway so I’ve established a Minimal Chatting  In The Car rule. They are allowed to quietly talk and play with each other but leave me alone.  Does that make me a mean mommy?

Maybe.

I’m not going to beat myself up over what I allow them to eat sometimes. Some days they’re meals are healthy. Some days they’re not.  Most days I add fruit to their lunch but not a vegetable. They drink lots of chocolate milk and probably too much watered down juice. They usually only get vegetables with their dinner. They get lollipops and candy when we go to the grocery store to keep them quiet.

It works for us and I’m not changing it.

On days when I’ve felt like a huge parenting failure I make sure to talk to my girls and apologize for poor behavior on my part. It’s good for my girls to see that I’m not perfect. That I do need to apologize. They need to see that I need their forgiveness and God’s grace. As parents we can be a wonderful example of the free grace that God gives us every day. This doesn’t mean we should abuse this fact ( ahem).

I’m also reminded of this verse from Philippians chapter 3:

¹³ Brethren, I count not myself yet to have laid hold: but one thing I do, forgetting the things which are behind, and stretching forward to the things which are before,

¹⁴ I press on toward the goal unto the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.

I certainly have not “laid hold” (which means to have achieved or attained) in my parenting but do need to forget yesterday and focus on making today better. Today I can “press on toward the goal and the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.”. I can’t think of a higher calling than mothering my children in the best way possible and raising them to know Jesus Christ.

Do you suffer from the Guilt Monster? What do you beat yourself up over? What do you NOT beat yourself up over?

(Oh, and I’m writing this at 7:15 in the morning on my deck on this beautiful, sunny, warm morning. The birds are chirping. It’s just right!)

Where was I? Oh yes! 23 months. We’ve been trying to get pregnant now for 23 months. Why is that number important? Because it took me 22 months to get pregnant with Katelyn. So, it’s now officially taking us longer than it did to conceive Katelyn. And that kind of scares me. As silly as it sounds, the 22 months that it took us to get pregnant with Katelyn was kind of a “marker” for me, so to speak. I had told the Lord  that it couldn’t possibly take us longer than 22 months. I had been pretty confident that it wouldn’t take that long. Now that it’s passed that it’s like it’s opened up a whole new time frame for me. So, will it actually hit TWO years of trying now? Will it go past that? That’s whole new territory for me.

And the other thing is, did my my miscarriage make our trying to conceive start back to zero? These are things I think about!!! And speaking of my miscarriage….

Since it all happened so quickly I’ll admit to wondering…….. if I was ever really pregnant. Yes, those doubts have been crossing my mind which is making it hard to have closure. It’s making it hard to actually say “miscarriage” anymore with total confidence and peace. It’s making it hard for me to put myself in the category of Women Who’ve Had {real} Miscarriages. I keep thinking “What if those two tests were wrong?”, “What if I was just 6 days late?”.  Granted I’ve never been that late but, things happen, right? It’s all so surreal now.

My doctor certainly shrugged it off as an “early miscarriage”.  I didn’t get any of the advice that other women have gotten after a miscarriage. And maybe it’s because I went to my Primary Care physician instead of an OB. I wasn’t in the care of an OB yet so I didn’t have that option.

So, there you go…. my dilemma. I now feel like I can’t say with total peace and certainty that what I had was a real miscarriage. I now feel uncomfortable talking about it or even getting “consoled” by loving and caring people because I keep thinking ” What if….”.  What if I got all those lovely cards, prayers, hugs, words of encouragement and sympathetic hugs…. for a fluke?? What if I’m a fake?  However, I’m still dealing emotionally with loss! With a loss that, in my mind, may have been a false positive!

So, I may never know for sure until I get to Heaven if it was “real” or not. I may have to choose to believe it was real and go with the “evidence” that was given to me. The joy we felt for those 6 days is worth it. And maybe the Enemy is trying to make me have doubts. One thing I do know- God’s love is real. My relationship with Him is real. His work in me is real. The family and blessings He’s given me is real.

I’ve been praying so much for God to work in me here lately. To change me. I need changing so badly!  To be a better mom and wife. Just to be a better person in general. It’s so easy to write stuff on a blog and make yourself sound wonderful.

Two principles that really struck a chord with me from our recent study of Beth Moore’s “Esther: It’s Tough Being A Woman” are these:

*God can turn the tables of our life anytime.

Beth gave the participants an exercise that I really enjoyed. She took 9 scenarios that make being a woman “tough” and created a worksheet with them. Them under them she had us write a verse in the Bible that directly corrolates to that but shows how God can  completely change that issue. We were then to write on our own time  the  “tough” scenario on one side of a notecard and the verse that shows that God change that scenario on the other side. So whenever we’re going through one of those trials or insecurities all we have to do is look on the other side of the note card to see how God can change that issue for us. He completely turned the tables  { for the better!} for Esther and the Jews when things looked their bleakest for them. He turned the tables on evil Haman too. Haman went from smug and sure things were going his way and then he ended up hanging from the gallows he intended for Mordecai! { I encourage you to read the whole story of Esther in the Bible if you never have. Just read the book of Esther!) Things were going one horrible, certain direction for the Jews yet God completely changed their course. He can do that for us too. He can turn our mourning into feasting.

* If_____________ then GOD.

Have you ever thought or said  ” I don’t know what I’d do if __________ happened” ? Well, Beth presented to us that no matter what happens to us there will always be God. And He will lift us from the pit.  So the point of the phrase is “If (blank because it doesn’t matter WHAT you put here) then GOD”  God is the end all be all. He will sustain us. NO MATTER WHAT.

And on a much smaller scale, God still wants to work on little ol’ me. My issues don’t have to be my issues anymore. Things I think I can’t let go of  I CAN let go of. Things don’t have to stay the same. I don’t have to stay the same. God can change me. I just have to be willing to let go.

I’ve written some things/issues/ requests on paper that I’m handing over to God or that I want to  be rid of completely. I’m going to pray over each one and then I’m going to rip each paper and throw it away. It may sound silly but it’s symbolic for me. That I’m getting rid of extra “baggage”. That I can change and I don’t have to be the way I am about certain things.

FREEDOM!

And now…. my time is up for blogging. My girls are out here on the deck with me and we need to officially start our day. Mike has the day off today so we can get some stuff done.

If you took the time to read this whole post…..thank you!! Have a blessed day.

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Ok. Done? Ready?

What are your thoughts on Scary Mommy’s post? What are your thoughts on Courtney’s Completing Him challenge and her views on marriage?

I understand that Scary Mommy’s whole “thing” is snark and sarcasm so I’m not too surprised by what she wrote and how she wrote it in regards to her thoughts on the challenge. She totally thinks Courtney’s challenge is a bunch of  crap and used her blog and sarcastic way of writing to make fun of it. I get that. What I was taken aback by was the comments by her readers! Whoa! Way over the top nastiness!!  Comments on her looks? Comments that her husband is probably cheating on her? I was taken aback by the rock bottom level some of these women sunk to. (And I shouldn’t be because I’ve seen these kinds of comments on other blogs). The whole thing just felt mean and uncalled for.

Wow!!

Apparently, marriage and the roles in marriage are a HOT and touchy topic in  bloggyland. I just don’t “get” nasty and downright mean comments. I just don’t. Call me crazy. Call me naive. I know you put yourself “out there” when your blog is public and you open yourself up to criticism. I have read so many blog posts and comments that I couldn’t agree less with. If I feel so strongly about what the blogger wrote that I feel I must reply I leave a respectful comment about it. I would never resort to negative comments on their appearance, thoughts on what their husband are probably doing on the side or on how I think their IQ is limited. Usually I don’t reply at all and move on. Unfortunately, too many women lead, nice, proper and even, dare I say, Christian lives during the day but then get on their computer and unleash their inner “mean girl” onto other bloggers because they can hide behind their computer thousands of miles way.

As to what I think about Courtney’s marriage challenge…I’m not sure. I have to admit that a little what-about-me attitude sprung up a bit. I know she’s totally doing this challenge with the right heart and for the right reasons. I totally respect and admire her for that. I think her ministry to women is wonderful! But…not sure this challenge is for me.

I know what the Bible says about marriage. I know how it talks about wives submitting to their husbands and husbands being the head of the household. I agree and believe all of that. However, there are so many different ideas on what “biblical submission” in marriage is.

Here, take a gander at Ephesians 5:21-33 yourself…

²¹Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

²²Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. ²³For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. ²⁴Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

²⁵Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her ²⁶to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, ²⁷and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. ²⁸In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— ³⁰for we are members of his body. ³¹“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” ³²This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. ³³However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

I believe God created marriage for a purpose. I believe He does have a plan and a blueprint for how marriage should be. His design is the absolute best.

But what does “wives submit to your husbands” mean to you? My take is this:

We’re a team. A partnership in this marriage. But in this partnership  Mike is the president and I’m the vice president. Mike has the final say so. He will also answer to God one day for how he lead our family. That’s a lot of responsibility! These verses don’t only talk about wives submitting to husbands. It talks about husbands loving their wives like Christ loved the church. Christ died for his church! That’s a lot of love!!  I think too many people blow this chapter way out of proportion and get their panties in a twist over it.  When I’m doing my part in showing love and respect to Mike and honoring him as the head of my home and he in turn is loving and treating me as if it were himself then that’s a lot of love , honor and respect flowing from both sides.That’s a great marriage right there!  It’s all in the attitude and the spirit by which you view and live out your marriage. If you’re coming at it from a stand point of  nitpickiness ( well, who’s job is it to do the dishes?I do them way more than he does…waahhh) and keeping a score card then your marriage will suffer. It doesn’t matter who does the dishes or the cooking. Each couple works out those details however it works for their marriage. It’s the attitude and the spirit that counts. If you’re doing all the dishes, cooking the meals, cleaning the house and rubbing your husband’s feet every night when he comes from work, but doing it with resentment and a terrible attitude than….you’re missing the point! That’ s not what this passage is talking about. Talk with your  husband and work something out that works for both of you.

So…. lots of food for thought.

What do you think?  Do you like to unleash your inner “mean girl”? Are you at peace with her and don’t think it’s a problem to lambaste other bloggers in their comment section? What do you think of the Completing Him challenge? What are your thoughts on marriage?

Oh boy, I really want to hear from you guys on this!

p.s In case you were wondering, Courtney does respond (in a Christ like and class way)  to ScaryMommy and all other naysayers of her challenge here. You can also read a great  article that ShePosts wrote about ScaryMommy and Courtney here.

Although I posted this yesterday(2/25) the kind ladies  who are hosting Losing It:Not Just Our Sanity are letting me link up today (2/26).

Losing  It is a 10 week weight loss contest/challenge hosted by Mary, Jessie and Ashleigh.  Click here for more info on the challenge. There will be prizes! But, of course, the biggest prize of all will be lost weight!! (Hopefully never to be found again!)

Check it out and join us!

My original post can be found below.

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I’ve recently stumbled on the will to actually stick with a weight loss goal recently. I haven’t been on it for long however but I feel good about it! I think part of it is because I feel like the proper diet and exercise will boost fertility but also because if I look pregnant I actually want to BE pregnant. That is not the case right now. I definitely look it. I weigh around the same a when I was nine months pregnant with both my girls!  GROSS!!

So I wanted to share a couple of tips and what I’ve done in the past almost-two-months of trying to lose weight. Oh, in case you were wondering, I’ve lost five pounds. I’m not going for fast weight loss. I’m going for slow and steady.

The Daily Routine…

So, what I’ve been doing so far is trying to get on my elliptical 3-4 days a week for 25 minutes. I’m slowly upping my time by anywhere from 1 to 4 minutes every few weeks. I started out at 20 minutes and will try to get to about 35 minutes. Because I don’t want to be overwhelmed by the idea of exercise (which I hate), I will probably never be one of those people who gets on the elliptical for an hour 5 days a week. I will probably never go longer than 35 or 40 minutes. An hour just seems way too long to me! Half an hour is very doable in my mind. If I think of daily exercise in hour segments I get discouraged and think ” Ugh. I don’t have time for that every day. I guess I can’t do it”. Not to mention I’m beyond out of shape and an hour would kill me!  But half an hour out of my day changes my mindset towards exercise. It’s weird but it works for me!  I would, however, like to be able to fit it some form of exercise 5-6 days a week at some point in the future. Twenty minutes to half an hour is also very doable when you have small children in the house who are constantly trying to sabotage your exercise plans. I try to plan my time on the elliptical around a favorite t.v show that way I have something to look forward to. Right now I’m either watching “Yes, Dear” , “A Baby Story” or “Bringing Home Baby” during my workouts.

In the near future I would also like to start out doing Pilates 2 days a week and then progress to 3. I love Pilates because it strengthens your whole core with moves that incorporate your whole body. There are no sit ups or lunges or anything. And the beginners routine I have lasts 10 minutes and I can feel it at the end!  The DVD I uses is very soothing and doesn’t go past 30 minutes at the highest level.

The Daily Mind Set..

What I’ve done is try to make getting on the elliptical as easy for myself as possible. I wake up in the morning with it already on my mind and the decision that I WILL get on that elliptical. I write it in my daily planner. I take my work out clothes down stairs along with my sneakers and tennis shoes so they’re right there when it’s time to use them. This to save precious minutes I may use to get sidetracked or to talk myself out of going upstairs to get that stuff. That may seem silly or trivial but every little bit helps me stay focused. I do this on the days that I take Katelyn to school in the middle of the day and know I won’t be exercising until later in the day. On days I don’t take Katelyn to school I go down stairs partially dressed in my work out clothes already. Then I pick a show I’m going to watch and set my work out time for then. Then, I keep a steady eye on the clock so I don’t miss it!  Everybody goes potty, has a drink and a special toy to play with  before I get on the elliptical. I told the girls they may NOT ask for anything while I’m on it. And I say this almost every time I’m on it- ” IF I….(gasp for breath)  HAVE TO GET OFF… (gasp for breath)  THIS THING …(gasp for breath)…. TO SEPARATE….(gasp for breath)…. YOU TWO…..(gasp for breath) … SOMEBODY IS GOING TO GET IT!!!!”. (heaving chest, gasping for breath).  The girls are starting to understand that elliptical time is mommy time and they need to be good and quiet or there are consequences after mommy stops gasping and heaving.

The Daily Food Plan……

If you know me at all, I love to eat. And I hate being on any sort of “you can eat this but not this ” plan. I usually give up on any plan that requires me to drastically change my eating habits, requires extra work or special food. Right now I eat what I want and track it on www.myfitnesspal.com I started in the beginning using myfitnesspal.com strictly as a food diary. I wanted to see exactly what and how much I was eating every day. I’ll just say it was scary.

It will tell you how many calories you need to eat a day for your height and weight. You can log in and keep a record of what you’ve eaten and it will deduct the calories from your daily allotment. When you log in your exercise it will add calories to your daily allotment (yay!) You can also keep track of your exercise and any notes about how you feel about your eating and exercising that day. Right now, my daily allotment is 1500 calories. When I exercise I get 300 extra calories to eat.

If you remember I’ve been trying to move to a whole/ real food diet. While that kind of diet is healthy for you the foods that aren’t fruits and veggies tend to have higher calories because they aren’t diet foods. I eat a lot of full fat dairy. The whole grain breads I eat have 110 calories a slice! So my portions can’t be very large if I want to have any calories left for the end of the day. What I’ve found is that even though my portions are smaller  I enjoy the flavor and they satisfy me longer because the food isn’t “diet or fake. I’ve had to learn balance in my eating.  I usually don’t count fruits and veggies (unless they’re covered in some sort of sauce etc) a la Weight Watchers. My whole family has been more adventuresome as of late and my girls are eating fruits and veggies they refused to eat before. And Mike? He’s eating salad! Actual grilled chicken salad with balsamic vinaigrette! And steamed carrots with salt and butter! He’s found he likes spinach!

Ok…..you can pick yourself up off the floor now. For those of you who don’t know Mike, he’s an UBER DUBER (yep. It’s a word I just made up) picky eater. For years he wouldn’t touch fruits or vegetables other than an apple. He doesn’t eat any sauces or dips other than barbeque and ketchup and the boy still won’t eat macaroni and cheese. Who doesn’t like macaroni and cheese?!!! Anyhoo…I digress.

So, eating healthier as a family really helps.

I’ve been having to eat lunch on the go lately because of Katelyn’s school schedule. I drop her off at 11:30 and then usually run errands for the two and a half hours  she’s school since we live about 25 minutes from her school. I’ll admit… I hate packing a lunch for myself on those days so I don’t always do it. Nothing ever sounds good other than a couple of snack items. So, sometimes,  I grab lunch at the two places close by. McDonald’s and Burger King!!  But, I’ve managed to make it work for me. Madelyn loves chicken nuggets and fries as does Katelyn. I love McDonald’s chicken nuggets and fries!  What I usually do is share chicken nuggets with the girls. I’ll get a 10 piece nugget and eat 8 pieces and give Maddy two (which is about all she wants to eat of the chicken anyway).  If  I eat 8 nuggets and a small fry that comes to 483 calories. Sometimes I treat myself to a sweet tea from there (which I LOVE) for 230 calories.  I’m full and don’t feel deprived at all. At Burger King I eat a Whopper Jr with cheese and mayo  for a total of  420 calories.  I factor those things in to my daily eating habits and work accordingly. Some days I may go over and some days I stay under my calorie allotment. But I don’t over think it. If I eat unhealthier foods one week because of splurging eating out, I try to balance that out over the next few days with extra water, fruits and veggies. I’m trying to do what works for me so I don’t feel deprived and like I’m starving all the time.

I allow myself one “treat” every day. It’s usually after dinner when I’m really craving something sweet. And it’s usually Nutella on a piece of toast with a cup of milk. I look forward to that snack every day. I save calories for it every day. And, sometimes I still have it even when I don’t have any calories left over! It’s all about what works for you and what is going to help keep you heading towards your weight loss goal. Guilt and deprivation does not work for me.

Stuff I like……

Some healthy foods that I’ve discovered I like are Kashi Cereal. Especially Kashi Go Lean Crunch with  honey, almonds and flax and Kashi Go Lean Crumble with blueberries and cranberries. I usually add about half a cup or so of frozen blueberries to that cereal and it’s a super filling and super healthy way to start my day.

I’ve also come up with a parfait  snack that I love.
I take half a cup of Stonyfield Farm organic whole milk french vanilla yogurt and layer it with half a cup of frozen blueberries and half a cup of Grapenuts cereal. It’s delicious and nutritious. You could use whatever low fat or non fat yogurt you would like in place of the full fat type I use.  It comes to 345 calories. I like it for breakfast too.

Have you heard of Sketchers Shape-ups? I bought a pair last November. They are pretty pricey but worth the money, in my opinion. I use these babies whenever I go grocery shopping or am going to be doing a lot of walking. First of all, they are super comfortable!!! I feel like I’m walking on a bouncy cloud! Secondly they really do work your glutes and thighs. If I wear them for half an hour or more of walking I feel it when I take them off. They are also good for posture and lower back pain. Am I burning a ton of calories and going to get in shape just by wearing these? No. But I feel like every extra lit bit counts. If I can turn  grocery shopping or a trip to Wal-Mart into a toning session even better! I don’t wear them on the elliptical because of the wedge. They put me at a weird angle I don’t like while on it.

Another resource I turn to (not often enough!) is the book “Body By God” by Dr. Ben Lerner. Our Chiropractor lives by this book and gives copies away to his patients.That is how we came to own a copy!

There is a wealth of valuable exercise and nutrition information in this book. I highly suggest reading it!  There are two things in his book that Ive been using lately.

1.Throw your scales away!

Ok, I haven’t thrown them away but I’m not completely depending on them as the gauge for my fitness success. His point is that our weight fluctuates and if we let our success be determined by the numbers on the scale we’re going to get discouraged and quit. He says to not even use scales and only go by your measurements and how your clothes fit. Muscle weighs more than fat. I hadn’t measured myself in ages and never used them as a guide. I now check my measurements once a month. I took my measurements late in the game so I’m due to check them for another week or so. For right now, I’m using the scale just to keep somewhat of a gauge on my progress here at the beginning.

2. Maximum heart rate and fat burning zones.

Each of us have fat utilization heart rates when we exercise. Usually that is 55% to 75% of our maximum heart rate. Maximum heart rate is defined as “the number of beats per minute your heart should not exceed during exercise”. That heart rate is dangerous and painful. He talks about three different rates you can exercise at and which ones are the best. The Fat-Utilization Rate (FUR)  is appropriate and comfortable for people at all stages of life and exercise.

The second one is the Performance Enhancement Rate (PER) which is 75%-85% of your maximum heart rate is recommended for serious athletes who are looking to make gains in distance and speed as well as burn fat.

The third one is the Sugar-Utilization Rate (SUR)- This is at or near maximum heart rate and not recommended. It begins to burn sugar for energy instead of fat . There is high caloric output but also high amounts of dangerous stress being placed on your cardiovascular system.

Here is the formula for determining your maximum heart rate=

220 minus Your Age

So for me that would be 220-31= 189. That’s my MAX heart rate level. The level in which my heart should NOT be beating while exercising.

To figure out my FUR rate (55-75% of my max heart rate) I would take 189 x55%= 103.  That’s the lowest my heart rate should go to still be burning fat. The highest fat burning rate would be 189×75%= 141. So my FUR is 103-142 BPR. When I’m on the elliptical I try to keep my heart rate between those to numbers.

I know this post was long but I hope I wanted to share what I’ve learned recently and what’s been working for me!

I’d love to hear how everyone else is doing with their fitness goals.

OR

b) Jesus. Christmas caroling. Friends. Family. Smiling. Laughing. Church family. Christmas eve service. Giving to a family in need. Tears of joy over being blessed by someone’s generosity. Unto us a Child is born! Messiah. Oh Holy night. Jesus is the reason for the season. Baking  cookies with your children. Snuggles. Homemade gifts. Celebrating Jesus. Worshiping the Savior.  Happy Birthday Jesus. Hugs. Joy. Peace

A or B? Which one of these word groupings sounds better to you? If I did my job well then you will feel stress just reading A and feel a lot calmer and happier in reading B. Has A ever applied to you during the holiday season?

The Lord has been dealing with my heart recently about the holiday season. I have really been thinking of ways to keep Christmas a lot simpler this year and more Christ centered.  ( Remember my “Life Words” post? ) I was also being convicted of ways to give to others this Christmas in a bigger way than I have in the past and making it a family affair. Our servicemen and women have really been on my heart  and I’ve been researching some ways to bless some of our troops this holiday season.

So, after all this thinking I’ve been doing these past couple of weeks, it all came together in our church service today! The youth minister of the church we’ve been attending  spoke about Advent (it starts next Sunday), a little bit about it’s history, and practical ways to make this Advent season more about Christ and family than about giving and receiving gifts.

I’ll be honest with you, I had not really heard the term “Advent” until I moved to New England and my family never  used that word. Of course, I’ve seen it on calendars but never knew what it really meant. Me being raised a Baptist, I always thought Advent was a tradition practiced by other religious faiths. But now I’ve come to know what the season of Advent means. Here is what About.com says about Advent:

“In Western Christianity, Advent begins on the fourth Sunday prior to Christmas Day, or the Sunday which falls closest to November 30, and lasts through Christmas Eve, or December 24. When Christmas Eve falls on a Sunday, it is the last, or fourth Sunday of Advent.

Advent is a period of spiritual preparation in which many Christians make themselves ready for the coming, or birth of the Lord, Jesus Christ. During this time, Christians observe a season of prayer, fasting and repentance, followed by anticipation, hope and joy.

Many Christians celebrate advent not only by thanking God for Christ’s first coming to Earth as a baby, but also for his presence among us today through the Holy Spirit, and in preparation and anticipation of his final coming at the end of time.”

I think this is such a good definition of what the Christmas season should be about! Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE CHRISTMAS. I love the sights, the hustle and bustle, the parties, the excitement, the gifts (yes, I said it! I love getting gifts!), the Christmas baking, the decorations, the music and even the shopping in crowded malls. I love it all. But, in the past, all of this has caused me great stress. I remember one Christmas a couple of years ago that was so stressful and busy for Mike and I that all we did was fight! We breathed a sigh of relief when it was over and Mike was actually looking forward to going back to work after his Christmas  you- know-from-where vacation week. We said to each other that we  never wanted to have a Christmas like that again. I’m sure we’re not the only ones who have had stressful Christmases in the past. Which brings me back to the point of this post.

The youth  minister today spoke of the Advent Conspiracy . Ever heard of it? Here is a great video clip that describes what it’s all about. Check out their website for more wonderful information on this movement.

Isn’t this awesome? I was totally convicted by this.

Worship Fully

Spend Less

Give More

Love all

Wow. Should be simple to us Christians shouldn’t it? But it’s not.  So, here are some practical ideas and ways to give more to others this season.

1) It was suggested in the sermon today to take 1/4 of the money you would usually spend at Christmas, pray over it as a family and ask God to show you where to use that money to serve others this Christmas. I really like this idea and think it’s a great tradition to start as a family. I know Katelyn is old enough to start learning about giving to others who have less than she does. And even if you can’t take 1/4  of the money you usually spend, try buying one less gift and using that money to help someone in need.

2) Give more of yourself this Christmas. Meaning, more of your time to your family and friends. Meet your neighbors. Invite people you don’t know very well over for coffee. Invite your friends who don’t know Jesus to church or to a Christmas church function.

3) Make more homemade gifts. I’m not crafty. At all. But I can bake and I can use my computer to make picture gifts for families and friends. I know homemade gifts are the ones I remember the most. Use whatever talents you have and your imagination to make something special instead of spending a lot of money on something your loved ones may not need.

4) Do more things together as a family and start some fun traditions. We started making a birthday cake for Jesus, which I know many families do. Start  a Jesse Tree.

And if you’re looking for some ideas on how/where to give this Christmas consider these options:

1)Give to our troops.

Go to military.com for a list of ways to show love and thanks for our troops this Christmas. Don’t forget these men and women who are overseas putting their lives on the line for our freedom while we sit in our cozy living rooms on Christmas day. Another great way is to sponsor a care package through the USO for a soldier in need. The cost is $25 for a $75 care package. You can also donate at Give2TheTroops. 90% of donations goes to care packages for the troops and postage (which can be up to $10,000.00 a month!)

2) Give to World Vision Or Compassion International ( my cousin Phoebe works for them!) which are both wonderful Christian organizations that help families and children in third world countries.

3) Participate in Operation Christmas Child by Samaritans Purse.

4) Give anonymously to a family in need that you know personally. Leave gifts on their front door. Mail them a card with gift certificates. Have them over for Christmas dinner.

These are just a few of the many ways you can give of yourself and make Christmas more about Christ this year. I hope you’ll join me in participating in the Advent Conspiracy this year. Mike and I had already decided we were not going to buy the girls as many presents this year  as we usually do and we’ve asked the grandparents to do the same. Let’s slow things down this Christmas. Let’s cherish the things that need to be cherished. Lets have a wonderful, Spirit filled Advent season. I think God will bless us, our hearts and our families more than we could ever imagine.

For the past 15 months, to be exact, we have been praying, trying and hoping to have another baby. Many people have joked that “isn’t it time?” and people have asked if we want more and I’m even sure that there are people who have been curious but too polite to ask when we were planning on having another one.  After all, we do want four kids. Well, now you know. I was hoping to have another baby yesterday. When we decided to stop using birth control last July we I just assumed we’d have a baby by now. But, apparently God has other plans. I know this issue is a huge one among women today. My heart goes out to the millions of women who struggle with conceiving and fertility. It breaks for women who have been told they will never conceive or for those who have been trying for years to conceive their first. Please know I am not trying to categorize myself  with those women. I would not assume to completely know their pain. After all, God has utterly blessed me with two beautiful and healthy girls. If I never have another child I will still be blessed beyond what I deserve. This fact still doesn’t take away from my desire to have more children and my disappointment each month when that doesn’t happen.

We tried to conceive for almost 2 years before I got pregnant with Katelyn. When we first set off in that endeavor we were so excited and figured it would happen within 6 months. So we told everybody. That was probably some of the hardest and longest 21 months of my life. During that time friends got pregnant had babies and got pregnant again. Of course, as any woman who’s trying to get pregnant knows, it feels as if everyone around you is getting pregnant. Except for you. So many people were praying and routing for us. We really appreciated all the love and support. I even had friends who got pregnant and felt terrible to tell me! Although I appreciated the love I certainly didn’t want anyone  to feel bad about their good news.  One thing I had a hard time with were all the questions/advice/suggestions  each month (although well meaning) like ” So…are you pregnant yet?” , “Hurry up! I want you to be pregnant with me!”  and various medical advice and suggestions. I went to the doctor and had various tests. Nothing was wrong with me.

The other thing that would make me cringe was when someone would announce they were pregnant and everyone would discreetly and not so discreetly look at me to see my reaction. Others would ask, later, if I was ok. Talk about feeling like my nerves and deepest emotions were being exposed! And of course I was always happy for the person although deeply desiring that same good news for myself. Then, (oh joy!) God blessed us with Katelyn. I will never forget the day I got the positive result on that pregnancy test. It was euphoric. The joy and excitement expressed to us by family and friends was overwhelming. I will never forget that time. Then I got pregnant with Madelyn when Katelyn was 13 months old. It was almost a surprise!! How easy that felt. I hadn’t been on birth control since I got pregnant with Katelyn. I thought that maybe taking so long to conceive with Katelyn had been just  a fluke. Although we weren’t trying to conceive, it still took us a year to get pregnant with Madelyn. But it still felt like perfect timing. They would be just under two years apart. Great!  After I had Madelyn I was a little overwhelmed with having two small children so I decided to go back on birth control pills because at the time I couldn’t fathom getting pregnant right away if that were to happen. Apparently I had nothing to fear! I found out recently that there is actually a name for this. Secondary Infertility. (There are links at the bottom of this post to more information on this subject)

So here we are. I remember in March getting very sad that once that month had passed my chance of having a baby this year was gone.  As Mother’s Day neared I thought ” What a great Mother’s Day gift that would be” and found out a few days before that I was not pregnant. Then Father’s Day rolled around and I thought the same thing.  Then my birthday (What an awesome birthday gift!) and our trip to Texas (what a great surprise for my family!) and …..nothing. Now Mike’s birthday has arrived.I just knew this was going to be it. I even had the way I was going to tell him all planned out for his birthday. And….still nothing.  Although I would love to blame my not getting pregnant on some supposed residual affect  of those birth control pills,I can’t.  I would love to blame it on my weight because being overweight can affect fertility. I could blame a lot of things but the only person I can “blame” is God. He could make this happen. But He’s choosing not to. I’ve run the gamut of emotions. I’ve been angry, sad and frustrated. I’ve stomped my feet and yelled at God. I’ve cried in disappointment to Him. I’ve questions Him month after month.  Please don’t let it take as long as it did with Katelyn! And what if takes as long or longer? What then? What will it mean?

Why does God give the Duggars 19 children and other women none? Why do 14 year old girls get pregnant and have abortions when there are couples waiting with empty arms? These questions are tough and we will never understand them. But God does. And He can take whatever we say to Him.One of the answers is that we live in a sinful world and because of that bad things happen. Bad things happen to good people. Life is unfair from our perspective. I know God is in control. He has a reason and He has a purpose. And he doesn’t owe me an explanation although I’d really like one!

I read this today from the “Purpose Drive Life”

” God wants you to develop the kind of character described in the beatitudes of Jesus, the fruit of the Spirit, Paul’s great chapter on love, and Peter’s list of characteristics of an effective and productive life. Every time you forget that character is one of God’s purposes for your life, you will become frustrated by your circumstances. You’ll wonder “Why is this happening to me? Why am I having such a difficult time?”

So, maybe God’s trying to develop my character. Maye He knows that I wouldn’t deal well with three children right now. Who knows? All I can do is wait. So I move on. I keep praying that His will be done and that I’ll be happy with however many children He wants to give me. I’m doing my best to not focus on this right now. I have so many good things going and many exciting opportunities to partake in coming up.

And I wait. And I’m ok. Really. I don’t need to talk about it a whole lot. I’ll feel free to write about it as I feel led on this blog. I’ll be sure to share the news with the WORLD when it happens. If it does. And I’ll be ok.
So… I’ve exposed my heart. It’s out there. Was this authentic enough?

And if you’re interested here are a couple links to articles about Secondary Infertility-

http://www.babycentre.co.uk/preconception/suspectingaproblem/troubletryingforanother/secondaryinfertility/

http://www.cookiemag.com/brain/momhealth/2006/11/secondshot

The Guilt Of Secondary Infertility (great article if you struggle with guilt over desiring another child)

http://www.preconception.com/articles/diagnosed-infertility-issues/secondary-infertility-1303/

simple. authentic. content. humble. giving. open. approachable. compassionate. uncluttered. peaceful. joyful.

These are my Life Words. Life Words are  my motto of sorts. They are words I try to focus on for whatever I’m doing whether it be  chores, parenting, housekeeping, or relationships. They help remind me what my goals are in regards to these areas of my life.

I’m starting to see the whole attraction to this living simple thing I keep seeing in the blogosphere.

Living simply. Not simply living.

See the difference? Simply living connotes  just getting by. Barely living. Just making do. That’s not how Christians should live.

I want to live simply so I can live abundantly. Visual clutter equals mental clutter. When I’m overwhelmed by all my possessions and things and the work that goes into keeping those things in order I get stressed and it steals my joy. Which is the opposite of peaceful and content.

Am I being authentic and open in my relationships? I don’t like to show my flaws. I hate making mistakes. But, who am I kidding? Everyone else knows I’m not perfect! So why do I keep trying to act as if I am? Admitting ones flaws helps keep you open and humble.( Wow, it hurt my fingers to write that!!)

And guess what? If you decide to spontaneously stop by my house one day you’ll find out I’M NOT THE WORLD’S BEST HOUSEKEEPER! There, it’s out there!  My house overwhelms me at times. I lose control of it. If you tell me a date ahead of time that you’ll be visiting I”ll rush around, stressed and in a craze trying to make everything perfect for your visit. But, as hard as I try, a few days after our visit is over we’re back to the real house I live in. I don’t really enjoy making everything from scratch.  Although I really wanted to be able to do that. It’ s just not me. I tried it for awhile. And you know what? It caused me stress.  I’m not crafty. I can’t whip up my girls costumes, thereby saving us a lot of money. I wish I could say that I sit down every day with my girls and spend a lot of hands on time with them doing all sorts of educational things. I don’t. I would like to but I’ve been too busy trying to manage my house. Sometimes I feel like I’m running in one of those hamster wheels and I’m going in circles, doing the same stuff but nothing is really getting done. Isn’t that the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result each time.

Enter living simply. When my life is not cluttered with unnecessary stuff (excessive amount of things, worry, constant rush,  stress etc) I can now be more approachable, joyful and open. When I’m stressed and busy, busy I’m less compassionate and less giving of myself.

When I get to Heaven God is not going to accept this from me- ” Lord, I know I didn’t put myself out there as much as I should have. I’m sorry for all the opportunities that passed me by while I was dusting. But hey, I finally found the perfect cleaner for my hard-to-clean tub and it looked fantastic right before You called me home.”

So, I’m changing things around here.

What are your Life Words? Do you have a “motto” that you live by?