6 Days
I knew I was pregnant for six days. I know that’s not very long. But it was a six day celebration of new life. I know a lot of people would not have told everyone they were pregnant that early. I’m sure a lot of people are thinking that I probably wish I hadn’t told everyone since I ended up losing the baby anyway. Deciding when to tell your friends and family you’re expecting is a very personal decision for each couple. Mike and I have always told people right away. I mean, not long after the test comes out positive!! Since I believe life begins at conception I believe that tiny little being had a soul. It was a little life. A little person that is now in Heaven. I have many friends who have lost babies and we all agree they are playing together in Heaven now. What a comforting thought. I had affectionately began to think of the baby as “Poppy” since it was the size of a poppy seed at the time.
Psalm 139:13-16
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
God celebrates life at conception. He ordained Poppy’s life from the beginning to the very end.
Was it hard and awkward having to tell people I just told that I was pregnant that I wasn’t pregnant anymore?
Heck yes!! I’ve had several awkward moments over the last few days. Several offers of congratulations to which I’ve had to reply that I lost the baby. One of the mom’s from Katelyn’s dance class asked me how I was feeling this past Saturday regarding the pregnancy. I had to tell her the news. She didn’t know what to say and it was very awkward.
Aaaaawkward! And more so for the other person, than for me!
But would I do things differently if I had the chance?
No.
When I get pregnant again (and I have hope that I will!) I will most likely tell everyone pretty quickly again. I’m glad we celebrated Poppy’s short life. I think he/she deserved it. Me telling people acknowledged that that little life was important. To us and to God. It deserved celebrating.
I’m still kind of in shock. I had barely gotten used to the fact that I was pregnant before I began the descent into being unable to believe that I wasn’t anymore. It all feels like a distant dream now. Except that I have the physical reminder that it wasn’t a dream.
It was hard to have to take those pregnancy tickers down off my sidebar. I had so much fun putting them up. I’m still getting pregnancy updates and tips from Baby Center. I definitely need to unsubscribe from those.
Since the girls are now back into their old room our third room is empty. We put the crib up in there. It was Mike’s idea. I told him I didn’t want it set up yet. I had been excited about setting it up before. But now I don’t see the point of having it set up in there until I know I”m pregnant again. Mike thinks it’s a good reminder that we will be using that crib again in the future. So we might as well have it ready. That made me smile.
A few days ago Katelyn said to me ” Mama, I’m sorry our baby died.” That broke my heart but also was one of the sweetest things I’d hear all day.
I have to tell you all THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. The comments, messages, e-mails, phone calls and cards have been amazing. We’ve been blown away by the love, support and prayers.
In fact, I’ve started feeling guilty about it! You guys have truly been “weeping with those who weep”. I don’t feel as if I deserve all of this support. I mean, my baby was only the size of a poppy seed. I know so many people who have lost babies who were the size of full term babies and even bigger. You guys have truly given validity to my baby’s life and Mike and I truly appreciate that. Some of your sweet and caring comments have even made me cry. In a good way!
Mike has been wonderful during all this. Obviously he was hurt by this as well but he’s let me do all the crying, moaning and sleeping. He wrote me the sweetest e-mail from work on Thursday. That’s a big deal because usually while he’s at work, I never hear from him! Unless it’s something he really needs me to do. It’s a running joke with us. But he wrote me an awesome and encouraging e-mail.
Right now I’m doing better day by day. I want to get back to normal. The past two weeks I’ve eaten horribly and haven’t exercised a bit. I know that’s contributing to my lethargy as well. I want to get back into God’s word. I don’t want to be angry anymore and I certainly don’t want to get cynical and bitter.
Phillipians 4:8
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
I want to devote my thoughts to the Lord and focus on His goodness so I don’t focus on things I have no control over. And I will continue hoping and praying that the Lord will give us another child.
A little quick blog business:
My brother has kindly converted my blog to Disqus which is sort of like a “universal” commenting system. You can sign up with Disqus to have your own profile and then every time you leave a comment you can just sign in with your Disqus info. By doing this you’ll you have your own profile picture and you can see a history of your comment and any comments in reply to yours. If you don’t want to sign up with Disqus you can just leave your name and e-mail in the section provided for that and still leave a comment. It will certainly make replying to your comments a whole lot easier. You will get my reply right to your e-mail inbox. I won’t have to reply in the comment section and hope you saw ir OR reply via e-mail individually to everybody.
Thank you again for your continued support and love. And for all the comments!
